


second time's the charm

by Space_Samurai



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adventure & Romance, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Redeemed Ben Solo, Second Chances, Spoilers, Stormtrooper Rebellion, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21892177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Space_Samurai/pseuds/Space_Samurai
Summary: “Who are you?” She asks once again, pressing the end of her staff against the stranger’s throat.There’s hunger in his eyes, though not the hunger she’s familiar with.“I’m no one.” He finally answers, and promptly passes out.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 525
Kudos: 939





	1. Back to Jakku

**Author's Note:**

> Re-post, now edited <3

At dawn, the day had promised to be like any other. She woke up, drank a quarter of her water bottle, made her way to the wreckages and then to Plutt’s tent and returned to her AT-AT home with half a portion. It wouldn’t fill her by any means, but it was better than nothing.

She drew another mark next to the thousands of others and pulled the sheets over her tiny cot. She had salvaged them from one of the imperial wrecks, took them from what used to be a bedroom. They had holes on them and calling them shabby was kind, but nights got cold on Jakku and she couldn’t be picky.

Just as she was about to lay her head on the pillow, her nerves jumped and she rose from the cot. Rey had always had a good instinct and something wasn’t right here. There was someone outside her home. She went to grab her staff; if any scavengers came to steal her things, they’d be sorely disappointed and receive a whack on the head instead.

She walked cautiously towards the door and stopped, dumbfounded, when she heard someone knocking. Desperate hits were made against the metal, as if the person were begging. Rey bit her lip, what if the person needed help?

Rationality told her that it was better them than she, but her instincts went against it and Rey opened the door, still holding her staff.

Nothing could have prepared her for the man that stood outside. Most certainly an off-worlder, he wore all black clothes and looked like he had just stepped out of a fight. His fair skin spoke of how unfamiliar he was with sunlight. His lips were chaffed and it occurred her that he might be thirsty.

Rey looked past him: there wasn’t a soul on sight. It was as if he were a mirage from the desert.

“Who are you?” She asks tentatively, pointing her staff at him.

If was as if he hadn’t heard her, his eyes were busy drinking at the sight of her. Rey shifted uncomfortably, she had known her share of leering gazes at Niima outpost, though this didn’t feel it.

“Who are you?” She asks once again, pressing the end of her staff against the stranger’s throat.

There’s hunger in his eyes, though not the hunger she’s familiar with. She can’t discern its meaning and it makes her nervous.

“I’m no one.” He finally answers, and promptly passes out.

Rey stands there for a minute, her mouth opened and limbs frozen.

_What the kriff?_

She finally moves when a cold breeze entered the place, hitting her and bringing sand inside the home. She debated on whether it’d be wise or not to bring him in, but she finally opted for dragging him to her own cot.

He was heavier than he looked and strong too, like someone who hadn’t missed a meal in his life. Rey wondered how he had ended up on Jakku on the first place. He was dehydrated and Rey had to swallow her tears as she gave him what little water she had left.

She searched for weapons but he had none. There was a hole in his shirt with the edges burnt, as if he had received a blaster-shot, but the skin was pink and unmarred. Who was this man?

She didn’t have anything to restrain him with and she only had her staff to defend herself. He didn’t feel like a threat, but any stranger could become one. Especially one who doubled her on size and weight. Rey wouldn’t like to be at the receiving end of his fury.

She was so tired though and she had to wake up at dawn if she wanted to arrive first to any new wreckages. She glared at the man, now regretting she had placed him on her cot. 

She poked the man’s cheek and he didn’t even react. He wouldn’t wake up before her.

With sigh, Rey tried to get comfortable against the metal wall and slept.

-

One second he was dead, and suddenly he wasn’t.

He had never felt so light in his life, never been at peace before. He recalled Rey fretting over him, saying his name over and over again. He had wanted to tell her that everything would be alright, that he was fine. But he had felt so tired, so drained of power and life. He remembered falling on his back and vanishing into eternity.

Except that eternity felt like sand, which might have been an appropriate punishment for all his crimes, but before he knew what was going on, Ben was awake and coughing up. Alone in the heat of the desert. Disoriented at first, he tried to feel the Force around him. There was no one. Life had been pulsing around Exegol, with the Sith Fleet and the Resistance raging in battle.

But here, it was just him.

He tried to focus, extending his reach further into the planet. It was devoid of plants or water, but he could feel lone presences. It feels like a hit to the gut when he stumbles upon it, a sleeping beacon of life and miles away from where he stands.

_Rey._

He can’t breathe. He wonders what she is doing alone in the desert. More so, he wonders why the Force has decided to give him a second chance. Why is he here and not reunited with the ghosts of the Force that have ignored him through his life?

He turns around and he’s met with the sight of a Star Destroyer, half buried in the dunes. _Kriffing hell_. He knows exactly where he is. Jakku. Which means that Rey’s form remains asleep because she’s yet to awaken her powers.

He rises from his spot in the sand, shaking himself to get it off of him. It’s as if her own memories were playing in his head. He recalled, how lonely she had been during the nights; desperate to sleep and afraid she’d wake up alone once more.

 _Don’t worry Rey,_ he thought. _I’m coming for you._

-

The stranger didn’t wake up for the rest of the day. Rey wondered for how long he had been walking in the desert without any water. It hadn’t been a smart choice, she thought as she pressed her bottle against his lips. It had been a good day and she had been able to refill it and bring back a whole portion.

She hadn’t heard about any off-worlders in the outpost, nor about any ships landing recently. Who could blame them, Jakku wasn’t a place that many would visit if they had choice in the matter. When her parents came back for her, Rey wouldn’t return to the dreaded planet either.

“How did you get here?” She asked, not expecting an answer.

The man’s eyelids fluttered, but as Rey predicted, he didn’t move.

She allowed herself to study him closer. He wasn’t bad looking, she thought. Though her experience with other human males wasn’t extensive, so her opinions might be limited. He must be a couple of years older than her.

Perhaps he was a smuggler who had fallen out of grace with the local warlords and had come to Jakku to lay low for a while. It seemed like a rational answer.

“My name is Rey,” she told his sleeping form. “My parents left me here and now I’m waiting for them.” There really wasn’t much else to say about herself. “They are coming back for me.” She let him know. “Are you a smuggler?”

Again, no response.

Rey went to brush her palm against his forehead, to see if he was still warm, and before she could touch him, he jolted in the cot. An embarrassing noise escaped her when he took hold of her wrist.

“ _Rey_ ,” he whispered with wild eyes, as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Rey found it terribly odd.

“Yes,” she answered back. “That’s my name. Now let go!” She tried to yank her arm away, but his grip didn’t lessen.

He seemed to realize what he was doing and let go of her on his own. “I’m sorry,” he apologized.

“Who are you?” Rey inquired, ignoring him. “What are you doing here?”

Something shone on his eyes –disappointment? - but it was gone in a second.

“I’m Ben,” he said and extended his hand.

Rey shook it firmly, hoping to establish that she had some strength of her own and wasn’t afraid to use it. He didn’t even blink at her grip and Rey had to keep a huff to herself.

“I… I believe I’m rather lost.” He confessed and Rey swallowed a laugh. _You bet he was_. His eyes met hers and Rey swore he could read it in her gaze. “Could you tell me what day is it?”

“I don’t know for sure.” Her marks could only tell so much. “We are at the end of the thirty-fourth year after the Battle of Yavin.” She provided. Another scavenger had told her that he was born during the Battle of Yavin, Rey hadn’t believed him, but she had used the numbers to calculate for how long she had been on Jakku.

His eyes widened and Rey could almost see the engines working inside his head.

“Are you here for business?”

“Not exactly.”

“Then why are you here?” She pushed. She didn’t trust his silent façade.

“I’m with the Resistance.” He confessed and Rey’s heart jumped. “I’m on a secret mission… to retrieve a map and a ship.”

-

Telling her the truth wasn’t on the table. But he could have told worse lies, made some excuse to extend his stay in her home and keep her from meeting FN—Finn and his father, that way she wouldn’t get caught by him on Takodana and Han Solo wouldn’t die coming to her rescue. But Starkiller would still blow up Hosnia Prime.

And he couldn’t let that happen, not even to stay with Rey away from the war. The Force had given him a chance and he wasn’t going to mess it up.

He didn’t have enough time to make an elaborate plan, so he stuck to the truth as much as he could. He could go find Lor San Tekka, he had once been friends with Luke and he had known him as a child, and save him from being killed by-

Ben’s stomach turned. Even if _he_ was here now, Kylo Ren must still be with the First Order. Doing Snoke’s bidding and unknowingly carrying out the Emperor’s plans.

There was still time, he told himself. Still a year till Starkiller. Han Solo lived, Luke lived.

_His mother lived._

His heart constricted in his chest. He could still come back home, nothing was lost yet.

“ _You_ are with the Resistance?” Rey marveled.

“I’m double-agent,” he confessed. “I just got out of a First Order vessel, they were about to figure out my cover.” Ben shrugged. “Crashed into the desert and then walked until I found your AT-AT.”

“But you said you were looking for a ship,” Rey accused.

Ben took a deep breath. “I did, I came for the Millennium Falcon. I believe the local crime boss has it.”

“Han Solo’s ship? The ship that made the Kessel Run in fourteen parsecs?” Hers was an almost childish excitement and Ben was remembered of how solemn she’d be just a year later. The war aged everyone quickly.

_Not if I can prevent it._

“Twelve,” he corrected on instinct.


	2. To find a man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey go looking for Lor San Tekka

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad for all the support this fic has received <3
> 
> You guys are amazing!

Rey asks a lot of questions. Most of them, he can answer in some shape or form. When it comes to encounters of the Resistance versus the First Order, he knows the facts from the wrong side of the war. But he gets to be as vague as he wants without being suspicious. After all, he is posing as an undercover agent and Rey is virtually a stranger.

She’s so… idealistically naïve in a way he never got to see. By the time he caught her in Takodana, she was hardened by the conflict. Though that might have been related to the fact that he was her enemy at that instance. Had she been like this when she meet the traitor and his father? If so, he couldn’t blame any of them for their quick attachment.

Thinking about his father still hurt and it now filled him with an impatience that wasn’t wise to feel. He wanted nothing more than to steal the Falcon and fly off to where the man was. But he couldn’t do that, because first, he needed to convince Rey to follow him.

He was aware that Rey hadn’t left Jakku because of her own choices, but because the First Order had chased her and the traitor and forced them to flee. He needed something like that to happen again, else she wouldn’t come willingly. And kidnapping her was off the table, if he could avoid it. Not to mention that he needed to find Tekka first.

“Why are you looking for Han Solo’s ship?” She suddenly asked and Ben doesn’t need to search her feelings to feel her admiration for the man. A fellow underdog, Han was exactly what a child like her would have idolized. “Do you know the man?”

Ben hesitated.

Would it be wise to tell her the truth? That he was his son?

He wasn’t sure about how many were aware of his parentage. Some officers from the First Order had known that he was Vader’s grandson, but that didn’t meant that they knew about him being Han and Leia’s son. And in the other side, only his parents, his uncle and Tekka knew that Kylo Ren had been once Ben solo.

“I do know him,” he said. Rey’s eyes widened. “I’m his son.”

Rey gasped. “Princess Leia is your mother?”

“Yes. She was the one who sent me on this mission.” He lied.

“I know where Plutt keeps his ships. I could take you there right now and you’ll be flying before dawn.” She smiled, clearly pleased with her plan.

Ben’s stomach turned. She had no intention of coming with him.

“I can’t leave yet. I told you, I’m looking for a map. A man called Lor San Tekka has it, you wouldn’t happen to know him?” That should buy him some time. Ben knew exactly where Tekka was, but Rey didn’t need to know that. “I know he is on the planet, but as you’ve seen,” he tried his best Solo-smile, “I’m not that great at walking through the desert.”

Rey actually laughed and the sound sent shivers down his spine.

“You can’t go out again without any water!” She scolded him. “And you said Tekka? I know that there’s a village not far from here and an old man named Tekka lives there.”

_Kriff._

“Could you take me there?” He asked. Rey nodded. “I’ll repay you for all of this.”

“There’s no need,” she brushed it off.

“But there is,” Ben bit the inside of his cheek. “I’m going back to base after we find Tekka and the Falcon. If you’d like to get off this planet, I could drop you somewhere.” Or simply get her on the ship and try his best to convince her to stay with the Resistance.

“No,” Rey replied, not unkindly. “I’m waiting for my parents…and I can’t be off planet when they come back. But thanks for the offer.”

The longing in her voice made Ben’s heart squeeze painfully in his chest.

-

The speeder is big enough for the two of them, but for security measures, Ben had to ride behind her, surrounding Rey with his arms not to fall. He hoped she couldn’t feel his heartbeat through their clothing.

It was nice, having her close, even if it was on that cursed speeder as mountains of sand flew towards them. He didn’t care about the goggles that Rey had given him, or the imperial sheets she had tried to pass for a cowl, he still felt every little grain of sand that hit them. And he hated it.

And as nice as it might have been to have her near. It wasn’t _his_ Rey.

Their relationship had been base on their shared history and feelings and less in physical attraction and desire. At least on his side, not that he thought that Rey was unattractive. She was easily one of the most beautiful women he had ever encountered. He wondered if she thought alike. He had noticed the way her eyes had lingered on him when she thought he wouldn’t notice. The bond didn’t allow much privacy.

Maybe there _had_ been some bits of desire and attraction there.

Though it really didn’t matter anymore. He was dead. She had to move on.

The thought of her alone brought a storm of conflict within him and he was grateful that this Rey hadn’t awakened yet, else she would feel every bit of it.

The village it’s exactly as he remembers it. Small huts and few people walking around, as it was the middle of the night.

“This is the only village that I know of.” Rey shrugged. “It’s not much, but we might be lucky.”

Ben nodded. “Thank you for bringing me.”

Rey looked away. “Stop thanking me for everything.”

Before he can answer, he feels it.

There was little left of the man who had once accompanied him and Luke on adventures. The words escaped his mouth before he could help it.

“Look how old you have become,” he said neutrally.

“Something far worse happened to you,” Lor San Tekka said warily.

_Kriff._ The man still thought him to be Kylo Ren.

“I’ve come in peace,” Ben rose his hands, showing that he was unarmed. The other man’s expression didn’t change. They both knew he had never needed a blaster or a lightsaber to cause harm. “It’s crucial that we speak. Alone.” Rey frowned by his side, but didn’t complain.

Tekka took a look at her. If things escalated, he wouldn’t want her to be involved.

“Child, are you hungry?” He asked. Rey shifted uncomfortably. Ben knew she never got the neccesary amount of food to be satisfied. “I’ll ask someone to serve you some stew while we talk.”

“I’m fine,” she lied.

“No, I insist.” With that, Tekka gestured at one of the women from the village, who asked Rey to come with her. She threw him a look and Ben tried to nod reassuringly.

He followed Tekka inside the hut, where there was a fire and tea was being brewed. Ben’s nose furrowed at the smell of the sweet drink.

“You never did like tea,” Tekka commented. He had been observing him.

“You and Luke drank it as if it was water. I was a child and I got tired of it rather quickly.” For all his complaints, not all his memories about Luke and Tekka were bad ones. “But I didn’t come here to talk about tea.”

“I assumed you didn’t.” The man answered smoothly, sitting across him. “You’ve come to kill me and take the map.”

One of the other things that little Ben had grown tired of quickly, was the calmness of both men. It had unnerved him to no end, how they could stand before death itself and remain emotionless. It still unnerved him.

“Luke is in Ahch-To.” Ben decided to say. “I don’t need the map.”

“So you’ve just come to kill me?” He sounded at ease, but Ben felt the spike of panic inside him at the knowledge that Luke’s whereabouts were known.

“No. I came to save you.” From himself. “The First Order found a trace that leads to here, they know you have the map and they have the rest of it.” Again, his fault. “They’ll kill you if we don’t run.”

“You’ve deserted.” The man gasped. “ _Ben_. I told your mother that we should never give up hope.” He rose from his seat and embraced him. Ben stiffened, awkwardly standing there as the man hugged him. “How come they are not already here?” He asked suspiciously.

Ben took a deep breath. “Because they haven’t found the trace. Yet. But they will.” Tekka’s eyes narrowed in his wrinkled face. “And I haven’t deserted, not yet.” Ben licked his dry lips. “How much do you know about time-travel?”

-

Something had changed.

He couldn’t name it and his knights couldn’t either. But they had all felt it. The light, blinding, growing once more in the galaxy.

Had his uncle finally found a replacement for him? A new, prized student who would come to face him and save the galaxy from the eternal darkness?

The thought alone was enough to make him snigger and he had to keep himself from breaking the console before him. He didn’t want to give Hux any reasons to complain to Snoke about him. His Master didn’t need to know how the conflict boiled within him, if he didn’t knew already.

It was hard to keep secrets from someone who lived inside his head.

He growled when he was told about another failed search for the Resistance’s headquarters.

“Keep looking.” He commanded. “They can’t hide for long. Not from me.”

Kylo Ren will find them. And he will destroy them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Kylo, I've missed you.


	3. A piece of junk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben, Rey and Tekka go on adventures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays to y'all!

Lor San Tekka believes him, Ben can tell. The man might not understand much or know about time traveling, but he is familiar enough with the mysteries of the Force. He hadn’t spent all those years with him and Luke just because he was good company.

“So instead of becoming one with the Force, you just appeared here in Jakku, two years prior to your time.”

Ben nodded.

“There’s no chance that the Kylo Ren from our time has landed in yours?”

“I don’t think so,” Ben said. “I… I died.” He shivered. “I felt myself vanishing and the world around me disappearing. Everything went black and when I woke up, I was here.”

Tekka hummed slowly. “And you wish to change the future you’ve seen unfold.”

Ben hadn’t been completely honest with the man. Not because he didn’t trust Lor San Tekka, but because he thought some things were better left untold. The return of the Emperor –and with it Rey’s parentage- was something they could deal with later. Small steps, first of all.

“Yes,” Ben finally said.

“But you’ve told me that things _do_ end for the better.” The old man straightened his back. “My life is a sacrifice I’m willing to make.”

Ben remembered how he had cut him down without a second thought, lashing out on anger at the mention of his former name.

“It was no sacrifice,” he murmured darkly, before shaking his head. “Even if the Resistance wins at the end, there’s blood we can keep from being spilled. So many have died…” _my father, my uncle, my mother._ “I think the Force sent me here for a reason. And that’s to save as many as I can.” And to not make the same mistakes twice.

“Then what you suggest we do?”

“First of all, destroy that map.” He already knew the way to Ahch-To anyway. “And then, we need to get to the Resistance’s base.”

A smile graced his old features. “I will call your mother. She’ll soon send a ship for us.”

“No.” Ben cut him. “We already have a ship. The Falcon is here.”

“On Jakku?” His eyes widened. “Destiny has an odd way of bringing us all together.”

And the granddaughter of the Emperor would come to steal it with help of a former Stormtrooper. Funny ways of Destiny indeed.

Thinking about the traitor made him realize that if Dameron didn’t get arrested, the other would never help him escape and thus deserting himself. Ben could feel a headache forming behind his eyes. For Rey, he’d have to figure out a way to get him out too.

And speaking of Rey…

“The girl I came with, we need to take her too.”

“Why is that?”

“She’s important to me,” Ben looked down at the man’s inquiring gaze. “She’s part of the reason I returned to the light. She risked a lot just to try to save me.” And he had repaid her by calling himself Supreme Leader and hunting down her friends.

He would have to make up for that.

“She has the Force?” Tekka asked.

“She does, but she hasn’t awakened yet. I felt it, when it happened then.”

“What’s keeping her from joining us?”

Ben shifted on his spot. “She believes her parents are coming back for her. They sold her to the local crime boss years ago and they aren’t coming back.”

“She knows that?”

“I think she does, but won’t acknowledge it.” Ben sighed. “She can’t stay in this horrid planet forever, she needs to come with us.”

“And what can I do to help?”

Ben bit his lip. “In my time, she left the planet because she was being chased by the First Order.” Ben scratched the back of his neck. “I know we found your trace because of spies… And I know there are troops landing here every now and then-“

“What do you have in mind?” Tekka interrupted him.

“I need you to let them find us, so we can get the kriff out of here.”

The man’s eyes narrowed, but in his gaze there was amusement. “A plan worthy of Han Solo’s son.”

Ben’s stomach turned. That didn’t feel much like a compliment.

“Toss that map to the fire,” he said again.

With a huff, Tekka rose and moved to activate a beacon that would land many unwanted eyes on them.

-

The stew was probably one of the best things she had ever eaten. The woman served her a second bowl when Rey devoured the first in minutes, which she was grateful for.

Ben was taking his sweet time speaking with Tekka about his secret business with the Resistance. Rey allowed herself to fantasize about her current situation. She almost felt as if she were part of the mission, a spy meant to guide him to the old man and the map. Then she’d fly them all off the planet and take them to the Resistance base, where they’d be received as heroes.

Wouldn’t that be nice?

Except that she couldn’t leave Jakku. She had thought about Ben’s offer, more than she cared to admit. It’d be so easy to leave with them, join the Resistance and be part of something greater than herself…But again, she couldn’t leave. Not yet.

Maybe she’d ask Ben about a way to contact him, so when her parents returned, they’d all be free to go together. The man seemed so eager to repay her for the water she’d given him. It was odd to find that sort of attitudes on Jakku.

Rey herself avoided being indebted to anyone, swallowing her pride and hunger when the rations were scarce. She had no intention to repay some meager scraps with her body. The thought alone was enough to make her shudder.

She glanced at the hut once more, but Ben and the man were still inside. She shrugged, getting closer to the fire as the bowl warmed her hands. There wasn’t much time left till dawn, and as much as she wanted to help Ben to find the Falcon –and get on it herself, if she was being honest- she needed to work if she wanted to eat.

 _Please hurry_ , she thought.

She was starting to get sleepy, comfortable in her little spot by the cracking fire. She wasn’t stupid enough to fall asleep in the open, regardless of how nice the strangers seemed. Though it was tempting, she really hadn’t gotten any sleep this night…

Rey relaxed against the wooden log, eyelids closing and bowl forgotten by her side. It was the sound of speeders that made her awake. It was more than two, probably four or five. No one on planet had those many, especially ones that worked so smoothly; which meant it belonged to off-worlders.

She wasn’t sure about how she knew it, but something in her bones warned her, these weren’t friends.

She burst into the hut, surprising Ben and Tekka.

“The First Order is here. We need to leave. Now.”

-

Ben’s mind was running wildly as he helped Tekka to get on the speeder, right behind Rey. He had no excuses for his nervousness, he knew he wouldn’t cross ways with himself yet.

Kylo Ren had only gone to Jakku once it was certain that Lor San Tekka was there, harboring Resistance sympathizers and the map to Luke Skywalker.

The uneasiness wouldn’t give in, even as he tried to brush it off. Everything was going well, he had found Tekka and destroyed the map, why did he feel so on edge?

The answer manifested itself in the form of blaster shots flying _way_ too near them for his own comfort.

_You wanted a way out, there you got it._

Ben groaned, fixing the googles over his eyes.

“Don’t you have a blaster to fire them back?” He asked as the sand and wind hit them.

“They are too expensive! But I can dodge.”

The speeder had been big enough for her and Ben, but with Tekka on it and the troopers following, the ride became a death trap.

“How did find us?” She asked, making way to the outpost.

“They must have traced my crash!” Ben answered before Tekka could invent a better excuse. He could feel the man throwing him a look. It was almost as dealing with Luke, which was the last thing Ben needed.

When one almost grazed them, Ben decided it was time to attack. To the hell with being discreet, he thought. The next bolt went right back to the troopers, sending them and their speeder to crash against an old ship.

“We are getting closer!” Rey let him know.

Ben spotted the Falcon, in all her glorious age. It looked like it was a day away from being torn apart for scrapped metal and spare parts. Uncle Lando would have a heart attack at the sight.

“Go there!” Ben hurried her.

“That one’s garbage!” She yelled over the shots.

“That’s the Falcon!” Ben yelled back. He didn’t need the Force to feel her surprise. “Let’s go!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked this chapter! If you did, make sure to let me know :)


	4. Flying through space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben, Rey and Tekka fly in the Falcon. Kylo makes a discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't stress how happy I am for all the support <3

The Falcon leaves much to be desired for a ship of dreams. Rey is not complaining though, the thing flies and it’s fast enough to outrun their chasers. Soon, they are in outer space and sight has her amazed.

For so long she’s been longing for adventure, for her parents to return and take her away from that sandball of a planet…The stars before her work as a compensation. Of sorts. In the back of her head, there’s a part of her that is screaming about how she needs to return _now_ , else she’ll miss her parents arrival.

But at the moment, she’s too busy enjoying the view to hear it.

Ben knows his way around the ship, which is natural as it belonged to his father, but there was a haunted look in his face as they walked through the corridors. It didn’t change much when he sat at the cockpit, if anything, it only got worse.

Rey had taken the copilot’s seat, before Lor San Tekka could claim it for himself. She turned her gaze from the stars to Ben.

“Are you alright?” She inquired. She usually knew better than to pry in other’s business, but considering the fact that she had aided his escape and saved him from dying in the desert, Rey dared to consider him an ally. Perhaps, even a friend.

She saw him swallow before answering. “Yes. It’s just been a while since I’ve been here.”

Indeed, Rey thought. The ship had been in Plutt’s possession for years, sitting to rot in the desert, as the man paid minimum maintenance for it –it was a wonder it flew at all. Before that, Rey knew it had been with the Irvin Boys, whom Plutt had stolen it from. 

“It’s been in the junkyard for years, I would have never guessed it was the Millennium Falcon. Because well…” Rey gestured at the place, hoping she wasn’t being rude.

Ben smiled, making her stomach tighten. “It looks like a piece of old junk.” He finished. “Well, it _is_ an old piece of junk. But it’s also the fastest ship in the galaxy, and it’ll take us wherever we need to go.”

“And _where_ is that?” She asked curiously.

“I have no idea.” Ben answered honestly and then blushed. “I need to ask Lor San Tekka, can you take care of this?” Rey nodded eagerly and took his place in the pilot’s seat. Then, Ben left the cockpit in the search for the man.

Rey straightened her back against the chair. Her fingers brushed against the panel and console. She could get used to this, it was better than the flying simulators she had on Jakku. She tried to imagine a future here, in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon. It wasn’t as blurry as it should’ve been.

She was still tired and she felt the exhaustion more than ever, now that the adrenaline had passed. She still couldn’t believe the recent events. Had she really escaped a First Order patrol with Han Solo’s son in the Millennium Falcon? It seemed like right out of a dream.

She’d have to ask Ben if there was a place where she could sleep in here, the ship was certainly big enough to have a room or two to spare. But for now, she focused her view in the space.

-

He played the recording once more.

If it were any other thing, it wouldn’t have reached him at all. He would never heard of it and it would be brushed it off as another petty skirmish with Resistance, the troopers would be punished for their failure and the Captain of the squadron would send them to reconditioning. And that would be the end.

But it had reached him.

Kylo Ren was aware of who had the rest of the map to Skywalker. Lor San Tekka, who he had once travelled with as a young Jedi apprentice. The thought made him scowl. So many years of his life wasted in that cursed academy. He might have been the prized student, but Ben Solo had been miserable in the Temple. Mostly, because he had never wanted to be a Jedi to begin with.

The master of the Knights of Ren shook his head before his thoughts wandered too deeply, and focused his gaze in the holo once more. It wasn’t the best quality, as the sand hit the lent and obstructed most of the details. But Kylo saw enough.

Three Resistance members on a single speeder besting the First Order and fleeing in the Millennium Falcon of all ships. When he had first heard the news, before seeing the holo himself, he had thrown the lieutenant who informed him against the wall and destroyed the console before him. Things hadn’t gotten any better when he saw it.

Someone had redirected the blaster bolts at the speeders, thus making them crash. Which left two explanations. One, someone had a lightsaber to hit them back at the troopers or two, someone had done it with the Force. Who, other than him, had enough control over the Force to do something like that? Who, other than him, had a lightsaber?

They had interrogated the villagers, most denied even knowing the man who had activated the beacon, but a threat or two towards the children and suddenly everyone was ready to speak. Kylo hadn’t been there for it, but he trusted Phasma’s methods. They had recovered everything from the hut, and though nothing was of use, the books, scriptures and the descriptions of the man who had lived there spoke of Lor San Tekka.

Lor San Tekka had knowledge of the Force, but the man couldn’t control it as he could and he had no lightsaber of his own. But a dear friend of his did. Luke Skywalker. And where Luke was, _Han Solo_ was never far behind. Which also explained the presence of the Falcon.

Kylo was grateful to be alone for the rest of his rage. He cut through the panels, consoles and walls as he screamed; leaving behind a mess that Hux would surely complain about.

He called for a bounty on the ship and rose the one in all three men. He knew the bounty hunters didn’t stood a chance against Skywalker, but they’d be useful for spotting the ship. Kylo Ren knew Han Solo, the man wouldn’t hide in the desert or in some snowy forest. He’d clung to his old glory as he used to when he was a child.

He made sure to alert the First Order spies, if they’d find anything, they’d find it in smugglers moons or in shady outposts. He specified two places that he recalled from his childhood: Maz Kanata’s castle and his Uncl—Lando Calrissian’s casinos.

-

“How is that you don’t know where the Resistance’s base is?” Ben rubbed his temples.

“Such knowledge shouldn’t be widely spread,” Tekka justified. “If I ever needed them, I could send a missive.”

“Why wouldn’t they tell _you_? I’m sure they don’t think you’d betray them.”

“The First Order has a man in their ranks with the power to take information from your head.” Tekka pointed out. “I didn’t think it was wise to carry such valuable data in my head. That’s why I never saw the map, either.”

Ben felt shame rising within him and it took all of his will not to look away from the man. “That sounds reasonable.” He murmured. “I know that the base is in D'Qar at some point, but I’m not sure if it’s there now.”

“We’ll have to go and see.”

“And end up stranded with no fuel? Rey told me the ship was in the desert for years before we took it, we need to stop somewhere and reload.”

Being part of the First Order was much easier in that regard. Ben never did any maintenance work as Kylo Ren, in fact, he rarely did much for his ships at all. Other than designing it. He’d crash them and jump recklessly through hyperspace and then leave them with the techs to be fixed.

“We can’t land anywhere with this ship,” he continued. “My dad made a name for himself by scamming everyone in this galaxy. We’ll be lucky if we aren’t shot on sight.”

“We must find a place that’s friends with the Resistance then.” Ben nodded.

“The Western Reaches is full of planets. There has to be somewhere we can lay low for a day or two…” Suddenly, it came to his mind. “ _Maz’s castle_. Takodana.”

“Isn’t it in the Mid Rim?” The old man asked.

“Yes, but it also falls within the Western Reaches, so we can get there in a jump. The ship must have the coordinates, I’ve been there with my dad before.”

He was making his way to the cockpit when he lost his balance. The ship had lost its stability, if only for a second. The lights blinked and dread filled him.

“Ben?” Rey’s nervous voice called him from the pilot’s seat. Ben ran to the cockpit.

“What is it?” He asked, tension rising on his spine. He looked forward and he was met with the sight of a freighter big enough to swallow their ship. “It’s dragging us inside!”

Great. Pirates; just what they needed.

“What do we do?” She stared at him for answers. Ben took a deep breath.

“Come with me.” He’d have to hide her and Tekka in one of the many holes his father used for smuggling and then he’d fight the pirates on his own. He trusted Rey as a fighter, but she didn’t have the force yet and her staff would be of little use against blaster bolts.

There was an odd feeling in his chest, one he couldn’t fully explain. He attributed it to the many stressful situations he had gone through in the last few days. It only grew as the freighter swallowed them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kylo knows his Daddy. And take a guess, who does the freighter belong to?


	5. The old smuggler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Solo Boys reunite. Ben lies a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm overwhelmed by the support and love! Thanks once more! 
> 
> Beware, not proofread yet. Edit: now it is :)

As he expected, Tekka doesn’t complain when Ben asks him to hide and Rey does. She states that he stands a better chance if the two of them fight together.

“I _know_ ,” he stresses. “But if we don’t make it, there’ll be no one left to take the map to the Resistance. The hopes of billions rely on it.” He saw the understanding in Rey’s eyes and he knew it had worked. She was like his mother in that regard; the common good before their own wishes. Ben hadn’t inherited that feeling. “Can I trust you to make a run for it if I can’t?”

He had no intention of dying – _again_ \- at the hand of some lowly pirates, but he had to put on a show for Rey. She didn’t want to do it, she didn’t even think he’d make it out alive; he had barely survived the desert. Ben was almost offended by her lack of faith in him.

“Yes. I’ll do it.” She nodded and went down the hole. Ben pulled the grating over her and San Tekka, silently hoping that no bolts would reach them if the fight got to the Falcon.

He planned to get off the Falcon as soon as the freighter finished swallowing it. He’d fight the pirates there, hopefully keeping the ship from being damaged too much. Then, he’d steal their fuel and supplies.

Ben doesn’t make it to the ramp, he hears the hatch opening and he steps back to the common room. The space is a bit too tight for a fight and his father will kill him if the dejarik table is harmed under his care. Ben decides he’ll blame it on Plutt and say it happened while the man had it.

The steps get closer to him and he feels his heart rising to his throat. The feeling in his chest grows and he can’t understand why. He is not afraid of the pirates, he has faced much worse armed with less.

He only realizes who actually is when the noises of an angry Wookie and the hushed whispers of an old man with a gruff voice are heard through the corridor. Ben thinks he might throw up when they reach the room.

For a fraction of a second, Ben fears that his father won’t recognize him. He hasn’t seen him since he was a child: at least a foot shorter, pimple-faced and lanky. Now, he was no longer that skinny kid and he stood some inches taller than his father. Not to mention the transformation his facial features had gone through.

The fear is gone soon, when recognition shines in his old eyes and his jaw falls open.

Tears burn in his eyes and instinctively, Ben wishes he still had his mask with him. He had never liked how open his face was, preferring to hide his emotions behind the blackness of his helmet.

“Kid?” His father asks and Chewie moans behind him. Ben keeps himself from flinching back, the memory of the bowcaster shot still fresh on his mind. He had to get a large part of his middle reconstructed after it. It hadn’t been pretty, but at the time it had felt like a fitting punishment for what he had done.

A shuddering breath leaves his lips. “Hey dad.” He says, as if the last time they had talked hadn’t been just yesterday and before that in Starkiller.

 _Starkiller_ , another thing he must warn the Resistance about.

The man takes a tentative step towards him and Ben doesn’t move. His eyes ran through his face, seeing his son for the first time as a man.

“What—? What happened to you?” There’s a fragility in his voice that Ben would’ve never associated with Han Solo.

Ben takes a moment to assess himself. He still wearing the clothes he took to Exegol -which are torn in many places and look like they’ve been through war-, and his face is not only sunburnt, but cut and bruised from his fight with the Knights and the Emperor.

He looks like a mess. And he probably smells pretty bad too.

“I got into a fight,” he says.

“Sure looks like you did.”

They stand there in silence, all three of them, for what seems like eternity.

His father is the one who breaks it.

“You left the First Order, for good?”

“I did.”

He takes another step in his direction and Ben closes his eyes when his palm lands gently on the side of his face.

“ _My_ _son_.”

“Yes,” he chokes and then he’s being engulfed by his father’s arms. Chewie joins them immediately. He inhales deeply, the smell of the old leather jacket filling his lungs. It’s so familiar he might even cry. “That’s me.”

-

Rey thinks that Ben is going to get himself killed.

Every nerve in her body urges her to go and help him when fifteen minutes pass without a sound. Maybe he is taking his time. Maybe he is already dead and the fate of the Resistance lays in her hands. Rey didn’t sign up for this, she just wanted to keep that foolish man from dying in the desert!

When she can no longer stomach the awkward, tension-filled silence between her and Lor San Tekka, Rey decides it’s time to go and help. The man says her name in warning as she pushes the grating away. She ignores him and bolts away as fast as she can.

She runs through the corridor as if the devil himself were chasing her and stops right on her tracks as she is not received by blaster shots, but by a private scene.

Ben is being embraced by a man and a very tall Wookie. They don’t seem like threatening pirates to her. She is not sure on whether to leave and return when they are done or stand there until they notice her.

Fortunately, Ben soon realizes she’s there.

It’s almost as if leaving the old man’s arms was hard, Rey watches them separate reluctantly, and his arms fall limply to his sides. Ben turns to look at her.

“Dad, this is Rey.” She remembered the conversation they had in her AT-AT before they left to look for San Tekka. “Rey, this is Han Solo.”

The man with grey hair looks nothing like the one described by the stories, but there’s a glint in his eyes that spoke of his charm. Smuggling has little to do with looks, Rey reminds herself.

“She is the reason you ditched those bastards?” Ben went red up to his ears, which poked out of his hair. Rey felt herself growing confused, did he mean the Resistance?

“I met her on Jakku, after I crashed there. She helped me find Lor San Tekka.” Han Solo offered her his hand and Rey shook it as firmly as she could. “Rey, that’s Chewbacca.” The grip of the Wookie was gentler than she expected and Rey offered him a small smile. “The First Order got there and we had to run away.”

“ _You_ crashed a ship?” Han Solo rose an eyebrow at his son, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

Ben seemed embarrassed. “It’s kind of a long story.” He turned to look at Rey. “Where’s Tekka?”

It was Rey’s turn to blush. “I left him in the hole.” Both father and son snorted, then turned to look at each other in surprise. Rey could see the resemblance between them. She wondered if she took after her father or mother. “I’ll go get him out,” she offered. Ben nodded.

“Thank you.”

-

As soon as Rey is out of their view, Ben tells his father the truth. “She doesn’t know I was with the Order. She thinks I worked as double-agent.” Han Solo’s eyes narrowed. “I would appreciate if you didn’t tell her.”

Ben planned to tell her eventually, just not right now, when he was yet to convince her to stay with the Resistance.

“Women always find out the truth, _always_.” He said gravely. Ben blinked at him.

“How many people know that I used to be Kylo Ren?” Ben didn’t miss the way his father flinched at the name.

“Us, your mother, your uncle… You have some explanations to give.”

Right, the massacre at the Temple. Which had _not_ been his fault, only that his father didn’t know that. His memories of that night are most unpleasant and he has no desire to retell them, but it doesn’t seem he’ll get to choose about it.

“I’ll explain everything, just not right now.” He begged. “As soon as everyone’s asleep, we can talk at the cockpit.” He kept checking to see if Rey was near, but she was busy helping Tekka. “ _Please._ ”

“Fine then,” his father grunted. “Now go take a shower son, you smell like a wet Wookie.” Chewbacca roared in complain. 

The bacta helps with his face, but Ben thinks that most of the credit goes to the shower itself. He feels clean for the first time in days and when he gets out, his black clothes are no longer in sight. His father’s shirt is a bit too tight for him, but the pants and boots fit just fine.

When he looks at the mirror, he finds out that Rey healed more than just the hole in his ribs; the scar that marred his face is gone. He also looks…better. Despite the remaining little cuts, the deep bags beneath his eyes are gone and his cheeks have filled. Back when he was with the Order, his face had an unhealthy hollowness to it; as if it had been deprived from nourishment.

He has never been vain, so he doesn’t linger much on his appearance. He spends most of the time thinking about how much he’ll reveal to his father. He doesn’t want to make public the fact that he comes from the future, mostly because then he’d have to explain _why_ the Force would decide to send him back on time to do the right things.

He doesn’t want to tell his father he killed him. He doesn’t want to lose him right after he got him back.

He thinks about Luke and the Battle of Crait. He still resents his uncle, for trying to kill him and for lying to the galaxy about what happened that night at the Temple. But he doesn’t want him dead anymore. Which Rey would say is a step in the right direction.

 _Rey._ He wonders where is she now, how is she dealing with his demise. Is she putting on a fake smile and celebrating with the rest of the galaxy? Is she seeking comfort in the arms of—?

 _No._ Ben refuses to think like that. That’s the lingering darkness within him, which he’ll never be fully able to ignore, as it’s been part of him since his very first breath. If Rey is seeking comfort in someone else’s arms, that’s fine. Because he is dead, and because he’d like her to be happy. Wherever she might be.

He knows that eventually, his lies are going to catch up with him. If he doesn’t tell them he comes from the future, everything’ll go to hell the moment Kylo Ren shows up. He could still tell them that he has been replaced by one of the Knights of Ren and pray they never come face to face. Ben is suddenly grateful that he kept his mask on most of the time when he was with the First Order. He can count with one hand the people who know his face.

He sighs against the cold tile of the fresher. The fatigue of the last few days has gotten to him and he wants nothing more than to drop dead in one of the bunks.

When he goes to the main hold, his father and Rey are sitting around the dejarik table, though they are not playing, they are eating. Chewie is nowhere to be seen, likely at the cockpit in the pilot’s seat or in the freighter, taking cargo and moving it to the ship.

Han is speaking to Rey, who has quickly lost her shyness and is actively asking him about his adventures as she bites down her rations. Ben wonders where those came from.

“Where’s Tekka?” He asks them as he takes a seat. He misses the way Rey’s glance lingered on him for a bit too long.

“He went to sleep,” Rey let him know. “Your father was telling me about the Kessel run.” Her eyes shone with excitement.

“Of course he is.” Ben himself had heard the tale a million times in his childhood. “Don’t believe him a thing, he’s always exaggerating.”

“Hey!” Han complained while Rey laughed.

“If you want the real version of that run, ask my Uncle Lando about it.” He says it without thinking and Rey’s eyes lighten up.

“Lando as in, _Lando Calrissian_?” Ben felt himself smile.

“Yes, though it’s been a while since I last saw him.” He knew that the man didn’t openly associate himself with the Resistance. _Bad for business_ , he’d say. But Ben was certain that the man worked for them from the shadows. “Do you know where he is?” He asked his father.

“I don’t. Probably in Cloud City, having the time of his life as usual.” His father lied and Ben wouldn’t have caught it if he weren’t so good at reading people’s emotions. His father’s sabacc face was more than good.

The lie told him one thing: that he wasn’t trusted. Yet. Ben didn’t take it to heart, after all, he did have to answer for quite a few things still. He didn’t pry in his father’s head, but he knew the man likely suspected him to be a double agent. Just not one working for the Resistance.

He kept a frustrated groan to himself and shrugged off instead. Perhaps it’d be better if he didn’t mention D’Qar yet.

“We had just decided to go to Takodana.” Ben mentioned. “To get some fuel and supplies. We probably won’t be noticed there.”

Han Solo nodded. “I’ll tell Chewie to set course there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope it met your expectations ;)
> 
> I really want to hear what you guys think about it.


	6. Talks to be had

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo talks to everyone.

Rey makes good use of the fresher. It feels obscene to waste so much water in washing her body, but Ben assured her she could take her time and enjoy it. So Rey does. She opens her mouth under the cold spray and lets the water run down her throat. It’s glorious.

She scrubs down her body until it feels like she has lost a layer of skin. She’s pink and refreshed when she leaves the room and feeling cleaner than ever. Han had offered her new clothes, but Rey had rejected the offer. She had seen him throwing Ben’s old clothes into the trash compactor as he glared at the offending fabric and she didn’t want her own to meet such fate.

Han hadn’t inquired, but Rey felt it was necessary to make an excuse; she didn’t think his clothes would fit her, while hers did and they were more comfortable. Rey bit down her tongue to keep the real reason from leaving her lips. Her parents might not recognize her if she wore different clothes, if she styled her hair in a different way.

She had taken a comb from the fresher, hoping to untangle the mess that was her hair. It had brown strings on it and Rey prayed that it didn’t belong to Chewbacca.

She was given a bunk to rest until they got to Takodana, where they’d get fuel and then go to the Resistance’s base. Rey thinks that’s where she’ll part ways with them. She had to get back to Jakku, her parents could return at any time. She could only hope that the First Order wouldn’t look for her and focus their attention in other matters, like the actual big deals of the Resistance.

Rey immediately felt guilty for thinking that.

Her life had been turned upside-down in matter of hours. One day, she was a scavenger in Jakku, the next: she was aiding a Resistance double-agent and his father, a living legend, while flying on the Millennium Falcon, another legend. Going back to her monotonous life would be hard after this. Rey wondered if her AT-AT had already been sacked by other scavengers and if anyone had noticed she was gone.

She takes her time walking around the ship when she’s out of the fresher. These walls have seen history, probably more than she’ll ever see. Her fingers brush mindlessly against them. They might have been white once, but time and carelessness have turned them a light shade of brown. They are full of scratches and Rey actually finds something carved on them. It’s a nice handwriting, three feet and some from the floor and it reads ‘Ben, 4yo’. Some inches up, there’s another carving ‘Ben 5yo’.

The last one goes a bit below Rey’s shoulder and it reads ‘Ben 9yo’. Rey’s heart twisted painfully in her chest, thinking of her parents. She wondered what happened after Ben turned nine, why did the carvings stop?

The more she thought about it, the odder his reunion with his father seemed. How long had he been with the First Order? It couldn’t have been easy to be away from his family. Rey had spent so long waiting for hers that she couldn’t imagine someone parting from theirs willingly.

“How was the shower?” Rey jumped. Ben was standing in the corridor, probably on his way to the cockpit.

“It was great,” Rey said honestly. She’d miss that once she got back to Jakku.

Ben smiled at her and Rey couldn’t help but notice how much his face changed when he did. He looked nothing like the dehydrated fool who had stumbled upon her AT-AT in the search for her. His sunburn had been healed by the bacta and the cuts were gone as well. He looked… good.

“We aren’t jumping to Takodana yet, the freighter will take us as far as it can and then we’ll jump.” Rey nodded, Han had mentioned something like that. “So, I’d make good use of that bunk if I were you.”

“You aren’t coming?” There were plenty of bunks in the crew’s quarters and only one was occupied at the moment, by Lor San Tekka.

“I…I was going to stay up to talk with Ha-my dad. We have a lot to catch up to.”

 _Ah._ Rey wouldn’t know what it was like.

“How long has it been since you last saw him?” She asked, hoping she wasn’t prying too much.

Ben sighed. “Too long. Even before I went with the First Order,” Rey didn’t miss the way he winced. “We hadn’t seen each other for years by then.”

“ _Why?_ ” Rey couldn’t help but ask.

“I was a difficult child. They sent me to live with my uncle when I was ten,” Ben’s tone was light, but Rey could’ve sworn there was the barest hint of resentment there. “When I left him, I didn’t exactly run back to my parents arms.”

“Your uncle?”

“Luke Skywalker.”

Rey gasped. “The Jedi?”

Something like amusement shone in his eyes.

“Yes, that one.”

“The stories then, they are real?” Every child in the galaxy had heard of the man and his feats.

Suddenly, the comb flew from her hand and Ben caught it in the air. Rey’s mouth fell open.

“They are. All of them.”

“You—“

“I’m not a Jedi.” Ben spoke before she could. “Having the Force doesn’t make you a Jedi.”

“What makes you one then?”

“Being trained by one, following the Jedi code… My uncle tried his best, but I was never going to be a good Jedi anyway.”

“Why not?” Rey didn’t knew much about them, but with the little she knew about Ben, it wasn’t hard to imagine him as a warrior of peace.

“Because I didn’t want to be one to begin with. The last time I got in this ship was against my will, my parents pretty much had to drag me inside. I didn’t want to go away with my uncle, some monk I barely knew, to the edge of the galaxy. I didn’t want to leave my parents.” He looked as if couldn’t believe the words that had just left his mouth. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “It’s unfair for me to say this to you.”

“What?” Rey frowned. “It’s not, if my parents had left me with an uncle I’d still be sad about it.” Though they hadn’t, they had left her with a tyrannical Crolute who starved her. “What did you want to be, if not a Jedi?”

Ben actually smiled again and Rey took it as a victory.

“A pilot, like my father.”

-

His little chat with Rey had been pleasant, painful as it had been to have her so close and yet so far. He hadn’t told her anything than the other Rey didn’t knew, only that she had plucked it from his memories and Ben hadn’t spoken a thing. It was probably the first time he admitted that he had hated the Jedi path, regardless of how good he’d been at it, and that he had wanted to become like his father.

There was no escape from this conversation. Once Rey went to sleep, Ben joined his father at the cockpit. Much to his surprise, Chewie was also there. Ben thought he’d be commanding the freighter. He resists the impulse to pry on their heads to know their thoughts, it has never landed him anywhere good.

“Sit down, son.” His father says and Ben feels like he has just entered an interrogation chamber, only that it’s now _his_ time to be interrogated.

His father doesn’t let the silence last for long. “We have a lot to talk about, so why don’t you start from the beginning?”

Ben rose an eyebrow. “The beginning?”

“The Temple. What happened?”

“You mean after you abandoned me there or the night it burned?” Ben almost bit his own tongue off.

 _Kriff._ Where did that come from?

Pain and regret flashed on his father’s eyes for a second, Ben would’ve missed it if he had been anyone else. Chewie moaned from the co-pilot’s seat.

_Take it easy._

Ben swallowed. “What did Luke tell you?”

“He told us that he felt the darkness within you, whatever that may be.” Ben snorted, his father had never understood the ways of the Force. Or bothered to try. “That he went to confront you about it and you— you tried to kill him. You burned the place to ashes, killed half of the students and took the rest with you. Made them your knights.”

He couldn’t help the hate that ran through his veins. Of course he had lied to save face. He wouldn’t dare to face his mother and tell her that he had tried to kill her son in his sleep. Ben could’ve laughed.

“He _lied_.” The poison couldn’t be kept from his words. “ _He_ tried to kill me, I only defended myself. Someone else burned the Temple, that’s how the other padawans died. I couldn’t save them and believe me: I tried. The ones who didn’t die there followed me when I ran to Snoke, to hunt me down for my crimes. Though I had committed none.”

“Why did you go to Snoke? Why didn’t you come to us?”

“Because you wouldn’t have believed me, just like you don’t do it now!” His voice rose.

“Luke wouldn’t—“

“Well he did! Why do you think he exiled himself? Why do you think no one has seen him in years? He is _ashamed._ The brightest light in the galaxy apparently had it in him to kill me for the greater good.” He couldn’t help the sneer. “My mother would’ve probably agreed that it was for the best, and so would you, after all, you two were the ones who tried to get rid of me to begin with—“

“Ben!”

This time, he did bite down his tongue until he could taste blood. At least he hadn’t broken anything yet.

“I believe you,” Han Solo whispered. “But I’ve known Luke since he was some stupid farmboy from Tatooine, so forgive me if it was easier to believe him. Especially when you were nowhere to be seen. The next time your mother heard from you, she called me to say that our son was calling himself _Kylo Ren_.” He spat the name. “That he was killing people for Snoke.”

“Is that when you left her?” Ben couldn’t help but ask.

“We…We weren’t at our best long before that happened.” _And it didn’t help_ , Ben thought. “After that, I couldn’t stay.”

“So you went back to smuggling. It was always the thing you loved the most.” Ben said with no bite. Han threw him a look. “And she went to being the rebel princess.” A huff left his lips. “She was always a better general than she was a politician, if you ask me.”

Ben recalled the night he had learned about his mother’s true parentage, back in the Temple. He hadn’t even heard it from his mother, no, but from a political rival who had sought to sully her name. And he had succeeded.

“What are you going to do now?” Ben asked. “Are you going to deliver me to the Resistance in shackles?”

Han grunted. “You know I would never do that. Don’t offend me, kid.”

“Good.” He nodded. “Because I just happen to have a ton of information they could use and it’d be a shame if they throw me into a cell before I can tell them all I know.”

Something like pride shone in his father’s eyes. “I wouldn’t let them do that to you.”

A part of him doubted it, but Ben decided to hear the part that had once idolized him.

“We know where Luke is.” He began. “That’s why I went to look for Lor San Tekka. He had a part of the map, the Order has the rest of it.”

“Had?”

“We tossed it to the fire.”

Han Solo snorted. “Of course you did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, those conversations needed to happen. 
> 
> Maybe I'll post again before New Year, maybe I won't. Hope you guys liked it! Don't forget to let me know what you think :)


	7. Takodana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They arrive to Takodana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guys tell I'm on vacation?

He slept for over ten hours, maybe for the first time in his life. He would’ve probably slept even more if it weren’t for Rey, who was currently shaking his shoulder lightly.

“Ben?” She whispered softly. He blinked at her, eyes still heavy. “We are about to land!” She told him excitedly.

“How much did I sleep?” After talking with his father, the exhaustion –both physical and emotional- had gotten him and he had passed out as soon as his head landed on the pillow. Ben looked around, he was the only one in the bunks and Rey looked as if she had been awake for a while.

“A lot,” she let him know. “Your father told us to let you sleep, said you were tired.” Indeed he had been, he hadn’t even felt the jump.

“We are on Takodana?”

“Entering the atmosphere.” He didn’t miss the glint in her eyes.

He quickly rose from the bunk and stretched his arms. He hadn’t even bothered to take off his boots. He followed Rey through the corridors as he rubbed his face back to life. Truly, he had slept well. Chewie and his father were already at the cockpit.

Ben had been to Takodana a few times during his childhood. He remembered one time in particular, in which he and his father had meet with Lando and his newest fling, some colorful guy who ran the spice trade in Hosnia Prime. His mother hadn’t heard of the trip.

“It’s beautiful,” Rey whispered. Her eyes were wide and amazed as the sight of Takodana’s endless forests. “I never knew there could be so much green in the whole galaxy.”

Ben’s heart squeezed in his chest and he didn’t miss the look on his father’s face. In the future he knew, Han Solo would offer her a job and Rey would come to consider him the father she never had, after only knowing him for a matter of hours. Ben could see why he did it.

“Not quite like Jakku, isn’t it?” Ben jumped at the sound of Lor San Tekka’s voice. Rey didn’t turn to look at the old man, focused on the sight before her.

“No.” She said. “Nothing lives on Jakku for long. I had a small pot with flowers, but I couldn’t waste water on them. I had to let them die.”

Ben would’ve liked to tell her that he’d plant her a garden with all the flowers she could think off, but he thought it unwise, as they barely knew each other.

“Wait until you see an oceanic planet, child. Then you’ll know true amazement.”

“A planet with only water? Why would you ever settle on Jakku after being there?” She wondered.

“I needed a place where I wouldn’t be easily found. Having the map to Luke Skywalker made me a person of interest to the First Order.”

“Wait. That’s what the map is for?” This time, she did turn to look at him. Ben frowned by Tekka’s side.

“You didn’t know?”

“No, you didn’t tell me.” Rey stared at him. “I thought it was Resistance’s business.”

“Well, it _is_.”

“How come you don’t know where he is?” She asked. “I thought he was a hero of the Rebellion.”

“He was,” San Tekka answered before he could. “But he went into hiding after his academy was destroyed by the First Order. He gave me a part of the map and his sister the other, so we could find him in time of need.”

“That’s terrible. Ben, you knew about this?” Her eyes went to him. Rey failed to notice the tension in Han’s shoulder.

“Of course I knew, I was there that night.”

Rey opened her mouth, likely to ask another question, when the Falcon landed. Maz’s castle could be easily spotted from their place amongst the trees.

“Welcome to Takodana,” Han Solo said.

-

Rey has never seen such a place. There weren’t any buildings on Jakku, only tents and shacks. The huts from the village didn’t count either. This was a castle. Gigantic and tall as they came.

“Impressive, isn’t it?” Ben was walking by her side with a light smile on his face.

“It is,” she agreed. “You’ve been here before?” Her eyes wondered through the massive stone walls and the statue at the entrance. How odd, she thought.

“A time or two. Maz is an old family friend and this is the kind of place that my father would frequent before becoming a good citizen of the Republic.”

Rey actually laughed. Han Solo was a good man, but she couldn’t see him becoming a law-abiding citizen of anything. 

“He’d take me here to have a drink and play sabacc with Uncle Lando.”

She rose an eyebrow. “I thought you hadn’t seen him since you were a kid.”

“I never said the drinks were for me.”

They went through the gates and then through the doors. The place was awfully crowded. Rey had never seen so many people together. Droids, humans, twi’leks and things she couldn’t name sat around tables, smoking and drinking. There was music playing on the back and something smelled really good, Rey felt hungry immediately.

“This place houses criminals of all kinds,” Ben whispered at her. She leaned onto him to hear him better. “Smugglers, mercenaries, bounty-hunters; you name it. We should lay low easily…”

“Han Solo!”

“… Or not.”

All eyes land on them, the band stops playing music and a short orange woman makes her way through the crowd.

“Hey Maz!” Han politely saluted her.

“And Ben Solo.” Her small eyes widened. “Good to see you’ve returned to the path of the light. Wonder how you got out without me hearing about it.” She rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “Maybe those spies aren’t that good after all.”

Rey felt him flinch by her side and she found herself frowning. Apparently he didn’t like to be reminded of his service to the Resistance.

“Go back to your business, you all!” And the music played once more. “It’s been a while kids,” she greeted them. “Where’s my boyfriend?” She asked Han.

“Chewie is with the ship.”

“Too bad. I love that Wookie.” She sighed. “Come, I’ll get you a table.”

Ben, Han and she follow the woman until they reach a corner of the castle. The table is free and there’s food on top of it, as well as drinks. It doesn’t look like what she’s used to eating, but Rey takes a bite anyway.

“So you are finally going home, old smuggler?”

Han sighed. “Leia doesn’t want me there.”

Rey didn’t miss the look Ben threw him. “I think she’ll receive you happily now that you’re coming with her kid and his girlfriend in tow.” Rey choked on her little green cake.

Ben palmed her back heartily. “She’s not my girlfriend, Maz. This is Rey, she helped me get out of Jakku. We are… friends.”

“Are you? I would’ve never guessed with the way you look at her.”

Ben groaned. Rey didn’t know what to make of that. How did he look at her?

Maz shrugged. “It’s always good to see there’s new people joining the fight.”

“What fight?” Rey inquired.

“The only fight. Against the dark side. Through the ages, I've seen evil take many forms. The Sith. The Empire. Today, it is the First Order. Their shadow's spreading across the galaxy. We must face them. Fight them! All of us.”

Ben tensed by her side. Maz’s old eyes dug onto Rey’s.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t join the fight. I have to go back to Jakku.” She told her, though she didn’t sound as certain as she usually did. “I’ll help them get the map to the Resistance, but I have to wait for someone to come back. I might have already missed them.”

Sympathy was written in her face and Rey ignored how bad it felt.

“Dear child. I see your eyes. You already know the truth. Whomever you're waiting for on Jakku... they're never coming back. But you could find the belonging you seek somewhere else.”

“Maz—“Ben began but a look from Rey silenced him. Han cleared his throat and asked Maz if she knew about which routes were safe for them to go through. The woman shifted her attention to the old smuggler, but Rey could still… _feel_ her. Somehow, as if her thoughts remained with her.

Beneath the table, Ben gave her wrist a reassuring squeeze. Rey offered him a weak smile.

“I don’t feel well, I’ll be right back.” She whispered, Ben nodded hesitantly.

Something called her from within the castle and Rey followed it.

-

“Tell me something boy, who are you?”

Maz had sent Han in the look for more drinks, which was her subtle way of telling him she wanted to speak alone with Ben.

“I’m Ben Solo.” He said with more conviction that he thought he could muster.

“Are you? The last time I heard from Ben Solo, he was calling himself Kylo Ren and fighting for the First Order.”

“I’ve defected. I’m no longer one of them.”

“I believe you, but see, not that long ago, I felt a great disturbance in the Force. And _you_ were at the center of it.”

Ben didn’t move a muscle. “It must have been my return to the light. That’s bound to make some noise.”

“Certainly. Tell me, what was that finally pulled you out of it?” She questioned.

“I realized that I couldn’t go on with it. That the darker I became the more miserable I was. Snoke asked me to do terrible things… And I couldn’t.”

Which was a lie. A vile lie. When Snoke had asked him to strike down Han Solo, he had complied mindlessly, splitting his own spirit to the bone with the deed. Just thinking about it made him feel nauseous and guilty.

Maz looked at him as if she could read his thoughts and Ben lifted walls just in case.

“You said the girl helped you find the map. How did you know it was on Jakku? I know old Tekka made a good job hiding himself from you and your ghouls.”

Ben didn’t blink. “I found a trace.”

“And you got there before the First Order did?”

“I didn’t tell them of the trace. Just followed it to Jakku, where I crashed my ship. When I woke up, I wandered through the desert until I came across Rey, who helped me find Lor San Tekka.”

“A most believable story, for someone who doesn’t know you at all.” She flicked her finger in his forehead.

“Hey!”

“But I happen to know you a lot and I know you’ve never crashed a ship in your life. So better be honest with me, Solo!”

“It’s a long story. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me.”

Ben sighed, but before he could say anything, he felt the Force hit his senses like a punch in the gut. Maz followed his eyes to where Rey had gone.

“The girl, is she part of this story I wouldn’t believe?”

He remembered then, how he had felt it back on then. He had thought it was Skywalker.

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay Rey awakened. 
> 
> Guess who's coming back next chapter? 
> 
> Don't forget to tell me if you liked it! :)


	8. The forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Battle of Takodana ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely comments, enjoy!

When Ben and Maz arrive to the lower level of the castle, they find Rey on the floor, shaken. Ben’s eyes quickly brushed over the chest behind her. Rey turned to look at them and moved away from the offending object.

“What is that thing?” She asked as Ben helped her to get up. Her eyes were haunted and Ben thought of the visions that used to torment him as he touched the Sith artifacts his knights found.

“That lightsaber was Luke's. And his father's before him. And now it calls to _you_.” Maz spared him a look, as if she were daring to claim the lightsaber from Rey. Of course she’d know he’s been looking for it since his uncle’s Temple burned.

Rey shook her head. “I’m never touching that thing again.”

“Rey.” She looked at him. “What did you see?”

Rey flinched back. “Nothing.” She swallowed. “You should have it.”

Ben’s eyes widened. “It called to you.”

“She said it was Luke’s, your uncle? It belongs to your family, not to me.” If she had the lightsaber in her hands, Ben was certain she’d push it into his. But the lightsaber they had battled so much for laid on the ground. “I’m not a Jedi.”

“Neither I am.” This time, he stepped forward and grabbed it. “But you could be one.” Oh, how those words tasted like ash. His uncle must be laughing at him, somewhere. “A great one.”

Her gaze flickered to the lightsaber, then to Ben’s eyes. “I’m sorry. But I can’t.” With that, she run to the stairs, leaving them alone. She would surely go to Han, who’d awkwardly comfort her and gift her a blaster to take her sorrow away.

It had worked well enough with Ben, once upon a time.

Maz sighed. “That poor child. She need to come to grips with all of this, to-”

“-let go of the past.” He finished for her.

Maz’s eyes narrowed. “You still owe me an explanation.”

“I care for her. She’s very important to me.” The words spill from his mouth before he can stop them.

“That explains the way you look at her, like some sad porg. But you’ve known her for two days!” Ben had the feeling that wished to whack him on the back of the head, but she didn’t have the height to do so. “I’m tired of you Solos and your emotional messes.”

“So am I.” Ben said sincerely and Maz huffed. “And for the record, I’ve known her for more than a year.”

“She was _too_ young for you more than a year ago.”

“Not like that!” The orange woman crossed her arms.

“Explain then!”

Ben took a deep breath. “I’m dead. I mean, I died.” He began. “But instead of becoming one with the Force, it sent me here.”

“To do what?”

“Better than the first time, I suppose.” Ben scratched the back of his neck. “I did…Many terrible things. But I haven’t done them here, yet. I’m trying to keep it together, but I’m telling like ten different stories at once and it’s _hard_.”

“Why not come clean then?”

Coming clean implied that he’d have to tell his father that one of the main reasons he was here was because he had killed him, he’d have to tell Rey –and then beg for forgiveness- that he had strapped her down into an interrogation chair and then broke into her mind for information. Not to mention he’d have to admit he had been lying, that he wasn’t some selfless hero of the Resistance, he was the feared and dreaded Kylo Ren.

“I can’t.” He said simply. “All I can do is try my best to help, to do as much as I can before I get discovered.”

Maz frowned. “What do you mean ‘discovered’?”

“The Force brought _me_ here, but I don’t think it took the other me.”

“So Kylo Ren runs free still? Certainly, you do realize how this could blow up in your face.”

Ben groaned. “I do. I’ll deal with it when the time comes. And unless he takes off the mask, which I wasn’t fond of doing, I won’t have to give any explanations. I could always tell everyone that Snoke replaced me with one of my knights.”

“You have it all figured out, don’t you?” Ben could see the reprimand behind her words.

“I’m _trying_.”

“I know kid.” Ben winced at the words, remembering the last time he had heard them. There wasn’t time for him to say anything else, as the ground shook above them and little cascades of dust began to fall from the cracks of the ceiling.

Ben looked up as the vibrations grew and the screams began. “Is that…?”

“Go!” Maz pushed him to the stairs. “You have been found, the Order is here!” 

-

She’s met with Han as soon as she returns to the lousy cantina.

“You okay kid?” She stares at him. The music is too loud and Rey feels like she needs to go out to take some air. The walls of the castle seem to be constricting over them.

“I need to go out.” She tells him, ready to bolt. “I’ll go to the ship.”

Han gives her a look, then he pulls out a blaster from his belt. “Take this, there’s a lot of dangerous people around here.” Rey holds the blaster, it’s heavy and it fits her hand perfectly.

“Thanks.”

Takodana is a hot planet, but the shade that tall trees offer is enough to make it cooler, making her walk pleasant. She doesn’t return immediately to the ship, Chewbacca and Lor San Tekka are in there. She needs time alone, time to think.

The vision still has her trembling. Herself as an abandoned child, watching the ship fly away from Jakku. The dark knight and his acolytes. The burning temple, the man with the robotic hand.

What is her place in this story? She’s a nobody from Jakku, a scavenger.

Ben seems to believe she can be a Jedi. Of all things! They still feel like a children’s tale. She tries to imagine herself following him to find his uncle, the legendary hero, Luke Skywalker. It’s not as hard as it should be.

Maz’s words still resonate in her head. “ _You already know the truth. Whomever you're waiting for on Jakku... they're never coming back.”_

Rey physically shivered. Was that right? Did she know her parents weren’t coming back? When she was on Jakku, it had been her one motivation –aside from her own stubbornness- to stay alive. Her parents were returning, so she had to live and wait for them.

Now that she was no longer there, a new path had opened for her.

_“But you could find the belonging you seek somewhere else.”_

Was her belonging with the Resistance? With Ben Solo and his family?

She recalled the old women in Jakku, with greying hair and wrinkled hands, would that inevitably become her fate, should she opt to return?

Rey decided she wouldn’t find out.

She takes two steps back in the direction of the castle when three ships enter the atmosphere. One of them is a black shuttle, the other two are cargo holders. As soon as those appear, a dozen TIE fighters pop on their back.

Every never in her body jumps, urging her to run. Before she can actually do it, the ships fire on the castle and Rey watches the ancient building fall to pieces. The cargo holders open their doors before landing and squads of Stormtroopers jump to the ground. 

Rey only has a blaster with her, but her friends are still in the castle. She hides behind a tree and tries to shot, but the blaster won’t work. The noises of the battle are growing louder and louder. Other ships are leaving the castle, escaping the planet before things escalate for the worse.

When she manages to find the safety lock, a trooper has spotted her. He burns a hole in the tree, two inches away from her own head. His partners see her too and while she shoots them, they are too many for her to handle alone, so Rey runs to the forest. She’s both faster and lighter on her feet as them, she manages to lose them quickly.

The smoke is a good indicator to guide herself. She’s not far from the castle, she could go around the place where the troopers had been and avoid them. She debated on whether to run to the Falcon or the cantina. She trusted that Ben and Han could handle themselves, but it still felt wrong to leave them alone.

Biting her lip, Rey run.

-

The reports had been simple and descriptive enough.

One of their agents had spotted the Millennium Falcon as it entered the atmosphere of Takodana. Another had seen Han Solo accompanied by a girl and a young man. No mention of Skywalker, Lor San Tekka or the Wookie. They must be his father’s new crew members, his employees and _protégés_.

The kids he was fathering instead of Kylo.

He kept the rage from taking over his senses, reserving it for once the battle erupted on Takodana.

If Skywalker wasn’t with them, then he’d take the old man and the crew. Someone there had to know where Skywalker was and should they refuse to tell, Kylo would simply take the truth from their heads.

He leaves the ship as soon as it lands. His shuttle doesn’t join the lesser ships in destroying Maz Kanata’s ancient castle.

There’s people –thieves, murderers and traitors- running all around, desperate to get out of the Order’s way. They are smart, for they know whoever stands on their path gets crushed by them.

He sends a division to search for the Millennium Falcon and orders another to bring down any ship trying to leave the planet. He can’t allow any of them to escape with the information.

The forest calls him in a way the castle doesn’t, so Kylo sprints into the trees. Eventually he hears it, light footsteps trying to leave the insides of the forest. Kylo quickens his pace, blood starting to flow hotly through his veins.

Ah, he had forgotten how much he enjoys fieldwork.

Once he reaches the person, he realizes it’s a girl, dressed in white rags. She sees him the moment he sees her and her eyes widen in fear. She tries to evade him by getting into the thicker parts of the forest, but he swiftly cuts through the bushes and branches that obstruct his way.

She groans in frustration, shooting at him futilely with her little blaster. He sees the fear grow in her eyes as he sends the bolts away with his lightsaber. It’s not only his blood that runs hotter, it seems. She wants him _dead_.

Growing tired of the chase, Kylo freezes her in the air.

Her mind is running with thoughts of the Falcon and- _Han Solo_ was the one who gave her the blaster. He sees her staring at Takodana from the cockpit as she chats amiably with an old man. Lor San Tekka.

The girl is part from Han’s crew.

“Pull the division,” he orders the troopers behind him. “We’ve got what we need.”

-

Ben recalled the Battle of Takodana as smoother than this. There’s chaos all around him and he no longer has his mask to block it out. After he steals a cowl from one of the cantina’s tables, he forces his way out of the castle. Han and Rey are nowhere in sight.

He tries to stay calm, he’s not unarmed and he’s got the lightsaber with him. Not to mention, the First Order wasn’t looking for a droid this time. Just _what_ were they looking for this time? He tried to remember if there was a bounty on Han’s ship back then. Probably, extremely likely.

He pulls the hood over his head, the last thing he needs is to end up in some incriminatory footage.

He contents himself with pushing people to the ground with the Force. The Stormtroopers are no match for him and he would rather hide the lightsaber for as long as he can, despite it being quite the useful weapon. One of the troopers lands dead by his side.

His eyes meet Han’s and Ben nods.

“Where’s Rey?” He yells over the tumult.

“On the ship already, let’s go!”

They run together to the forest, his father being surprisingly in good shape for his age. The ramp lowers before they reach the ship and Chewie receives them on top of it.

He stares at them confusedly.

_Where’s Rey?_

“She’s not here?” Han asked concernedly.

“Oh no,” Ben whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no indeed. Guess some things are unavoidable.
> 
> What do you guys think is gonna happen next?


	9. Kylo Ren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything goes to hell.

“I have to go back, let me go Chewie!”

Chewbacca’s arms stop him from running back to Maz’s castle. The Wookie roars behind him as Ben tries to free himself without hurting him. He is strong, the years haven’t gotten to him.

_Calm down!_

“I saw one of Snoke’s apprentices leaving the ship, there’s dozens of Stormtroopers and TIE fighters there! You don’t stand a chance kid.”

Ben lands on his ass as Chewbacca throws him inside the ship. The ramp goes up and closes. His heart beats wildly inside his chest. Everything will fall apart if Rey sees Kylo Ren without his mask. Not to mention that he’ll break inside her head.

“I’ll try anyway!” He had fought armies on his own before, he wasn’t scared of doing it again. Especially for Rey. Though the prospect of fighting himself wasn’t tempting at all.

“I can’t let you do that.” Something akin to regret flashed in Han Solo’s eyes, before his gaze meet’s Chewie’s. “Stun him.”

Ben had never liked being stunned, he even preferred being struck by lightning, so he can’t help the flare of anger and hot hatred that goes through him as his uncle shoots him. Everything goes dark despite how hard he tries to cling to consciousness.

The next time he wakes up, they are in hyperspace and he can’t feel his teeth, nor half of his face. He is in one of the bunks of the Falcon, laying on his back and tucked in.

This wasn’t supposed go this way. The whole point of him going back in time was for Ben to be able to prevent his own wrongdoings. Breaking into Rey’s mind had been one of many and he had never apologized for it. He could have made up for it by keeping it from happening, but now that chance was gone.

He grunted in frustration, slamming his head against the corner of the bunk. The pain awakened him fully, clearing his mind. Some habits were hard to leave behind and it was a wonder that hadn’t started to break things earlier. Of course he’d go back to it as soon as anything went wrong. Shame ran through him.

His one reassurance is that Kylo Ren won’t kill her. He’ll break into her mind and make her cry, but he won’t hurt her intentionally. No, he’d try to turn her and make her his apprentice. Then, she’ll cut his face open leave him bleeding on the snow.

The thought brings a stupid smile to his face. A half-smile, because he still can’t feel or move the right side of his face.

As soon as he regains his mobility, he’ll jump in one of the escape-pods and make his way to Starkiller. It shouldn’t be hard to find her there, after all, he has Kylo Ren’s face with him

-

When Rey wakes up, the first thing she notices is the cold. She has lived her whole life in Jakku, were unbearable heat was the norm. The nights had been cooler, but not this type of cold. Her back is stiff against metal and her arms are trapped by restrictions.

Rey shudders. As her gaze focuses, she’s met with a mask. She can’t run or step back from it, her only option is to face it. There’s something terribly dark and sinister about it.

_People like him are the ones who burned Luke’s Temple_ , she thought. Ben had coexisted with them for the sake of the Resistance, but he didn’t like to talk about his time with the First Order. _No wonder why._

The last thing she remembers is running from a masked monster in black, who had chased her relentlessly in Takodana. Whom she had seen time before in a vision, when she had touched the lightsaber in Maz’s castle. His red sword flamed behind her eyelids.

“Where am I?” She inquires.

“You are my guest,” it teases. She grits her teeth.

“Where are the others?”

“You mean the thieves, smugglers and cowards you call friends? You’d be relieved to hear I’ve no idea.” She couldn’t help but glare. What did he know about Ben and his family? _Nothing!_ They had been kinder to her than anyone had been since her parents. “You still want to kill me.” He marveled.

“That’s what happens when you’re being haunted by a creature in a mask.”

He cocks his head to the side, curious, and then brings his hands to the helmet to unlatch it. The air gets stuck on her throat when the black monstrosity is removed and casted aside, revealing not a disfigured face, but one she had grown familiar with.

It wasn’t the same, not exactly. Someone who barely knew him might have missed it, but Rey –who felt closer to him than she had any right to- didn’t. The man before her was devoid of… _life_. He seemed to have been deprived of nourishment and he lacked the gentleness that Ben had, wearing instead a severe gesture.

Even with all that in account, seeing him left her mute, with her mouth slightly open and her eyes widening. His own narrow at her reaction.

_What the kriff?_ Her head runs wildly at the sight of this man, who wears Ben’s face but is clearly not him. She tries to maintain a neutral expression as he steps towards her.

“I’ve seen the footage of Jakku. We saw you leaving the planet on the Millennium Falcon.” Rey didn’t miss his distaste for the ship. “You, a scavenger, flying with legends. It must have been like right out of a dream to you.”

Rey doesn’t look at him, she doesn’t want to see Ben’s eyes in his face. She fears what he might see in hers.

“Tell me about the crew you fly with.”

Rey swallowed. “Other scavengers like me. We stole the ship from the crime-boss of Niima Outpost, we didn’t know it was the Millennium Falcon—“

“Don’t lie to me.” He warned. “Han Solo was spotted on Takodana, along with you and others. You can tell me about the members of the crew, or I can look into it myself.”

Rey remained quiet, staring at the walls of the cell. The man sighed, as if he were disappointed and leans forward, getting too close to her face for Rey’s comfort. She looks to the side, refusing to meet his gaze. He brings a hand up to her face, though his doesn’t touch her.

A headache begins to form behind her eyes, she tries to blink it away, but it only grows. It’s more like pressure, rather than pain. Like someone is inside her head, someone who shouldn’t be there.

“You are so lonely.” He whispers, almost sadly. “So afraid to leave. So eager to be part of _something_. To be important to someone.”

Tears prickle in her eyes and she tries to shake her head.

“At night, desperate to sleep. You dream of an ocean. Of adventures in the Falcon with—“

Then he steps back, spooked by whatever he has seen in her head.

“ _Ben Solo_.”

“Get out of my head!” She yells, even though she no longer feels him lingering on her thoughts.

“You met him on Jakku, he claimed to be with the Resistance; a double-agent.” His face twisted in an ugly sneer. “I’m afraid there’s only been one Ben Solo and _I_ killed him. The one you know is a _liar_.”

“ _You_ are lying!” She thought of the carvings on the wall of the Falcon, of how Han had hugged him when the freighter had swallowed the Falcon. Ben Solo was real. “You will never be half the man he is!”

Suddenly, she can feel his turmoil as if it were her own. He is not that great at hiding it.

Who is this man? Is he Ben’s brother?

“Who are you?” She asks in turn. “Why…Why do you look so much like him?”

Rey knew bits and pieces of the Galactic History. She had read of the Clone Wars in some of the old Imperial holos. What are the odds of him being a clone?

“ _He_ looks like me. I’m the real one, he’s the impostor.” He looks equally puzzled by the situation, though it would seem he’s trying to maintain a calm façade. He is failing, Rey thinks. Suddenly, the gloved hand is back at the side of her face.

“Show me what you know of him.”

“No—“

It flashes before her eyes: the night she met him, how they escaped the Stormtroopers on Jakku, their conversations on the Falcon, Han, Takodana— Her own dreams of them having adventures together, fighting for the Resistance.

When he’s satisfied with what’s seen, he tears himself away. Tears stream down her cheeks.

He gasps, breathless.

“I’m sorry to tell you that he is, in fact, a liar. A double-agent?” He snickered. “You think I wouldn’t notice a man with my face on the First Order’s ranks? I don’t who he is, and he might know a lot about me, but he’s not who he claims to be.”

She feels angry like she never has before. At this man, for invading her mind so carelessly, and Ben, because what Kylo Ren is saying actually _makes_ some sense. How could a double-agent work while having the face of a high ranking member of the First Order?

Beyond her anger, she feels hurt. She had trusted Ben and he had lied to her.

Suddenly, she wishes she could make him feel all the pain she’s feeling, to return the invasion he has subjected her to. Instinctively, she grasps at the tendrils of him that remain in her head and pushes _back_.

“You…You are afraid that you’ll never be as strong as Darth Vader!” Her eyes widen as a new fear flourishes in front of her. “You fear your parents will replace you with Ben Solo!”

With a twist of his hand everything turns dark.

-

She’s awakened by the sound of the door opening. She tenses, ready for Kylo Ren to break in her mind once more. But it’s not Kylo Ren who enters the room, it’s a single Stormtrooper.

Suddenly, she’s freed of her restrictions.

“Are you well enough to get down on your own?”

“What?” Her voice slurs a bit, but Rey managed to step down from the chair. “What…What’s going on?”

“We are leaving, quickly.” He hurries her. Together they leave the cell, with holding her by one of her arms, though the grip is light and barely there. More for the show than anything, she realizes.

“What are you doing?” She hisses at him as she’s pushed into what seems to be a broom closet.

The Stormtrooper pulls his helmet off. A man’s face, young and dark-skinned, was revealed. He couldn’t have been much older than her.

“This is a rescue.”

“You are with the Resistance?” She inquires.

“What? No!”

“Then why are you helping me?” She can’t help but ask.

“Because it’s the right thing to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I understand if some of you don’t like Han’s decision of leaving Rey behind or if you think that it is OOC. So let me explain my reasoning:
> 
> In TFA, the gang isn’t captured along Rey because the Resistance arrives on time. Here, the Resistance never gets to Takodana, because they had been there for BB-8, who had the map in the original timeline and for whom there was a massive manhunt. 
> 
> So you have them against Kylo Ren (who they think it’s a random knight), dozens of Stormtroopers, a bunch of Captains and many TIE fighters. They are three dudes (Tekka doesn’t count here), Han just got his son back and they still need to take the information to the Resistance, which won’t happen if they all get captured by the First Order. So he is forced to make a hard decision. 
> 
> Also, it’s not like he just forgets about Rey. Much like TFA Han, he fully plans on rescuing her ass later.
> 
> Beyond that, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! What did you think of the Reylo meeting?


	10. FN-2187

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren meditates. Rey and FN-2187 escape.

The Force works in mysterious ways and throughout the years, Kylo has been witness of many strange manifestations of its power. However, nothing would have prepared him to see himself in the girl's head. 

The girl had the Force, that much became evident when she pushed back his mind proving, but she wasn't trained, else she would have made an effort to hide the other-him from Kylo. Her surprise and words had seemed honest, she truly didn't know that behind the mask laid Ben Solo's face.

 _Ben Solo_. Does he have a twin he never heard of? If so, his parents did a marvelous job hiding the man from him. Though it doesn't seem likely, he would have felt a Force signature similar to his own. Not to mention that they’d probably share a bond like the one his mother shared with Skywalker.

He assesses what he knows of his lookalike: the resemblance is uncanny, Kylo would consider him being a clone if he weren’t certain that his DNA had never been taken; when it comes to their goals, they couldn’t be more different, this _Ben Solo_ seems determinate to pose as the Resistance’s golden-boy, even going as far as incorporating the First Order in his narrative. But that wasn’t what bothered Kylo, it was the things that he couldn’t have known unless… Unless he was him.

He had told the scavenger that he had been dragged to the Falcon, how he never wanted to be a Jedi in the first place and how it was his dream to become a pilot, just like his father. Kylo cringed inwardly. Nobody knew about those things, thank the Maker.

Ben Solo was liar, even if he actually was who he claimed to be, Kylo had been honest with the girl. Wherever he might have come from, he didn’t come from the First Order, else he would have quickly been noticed by Kylo or his Master.

It pulsed on the back of his head as an ugly reminder. He needed to tell the Supreme Leader about his recent discovery, though his insides twisted at the thought of mentioning his lookalike. The Supreme Leader was wise, he might provide an insightful explanation for the situation. But something within him argued against it. It felt almost like a warning.

What if he saw Ben Solo’s controlled manner and decided he’d make a better apprentice than Kylo, who could barely contain his rages? He couldn’t let that happen. He’d hide the existence of the other him until he figured out a solution, for now, he would tell his Master about the girl. She showed great promise, being able to resist his mind prove and shining with great light.

With great light came great darkness, and Kylo was an expert on the subject. Ben Solo had noticed her potential too, offering to turn her into a _Jedi._

As if Kylo needed more proof that they were _not_ the same.

His mind still wondered on the possibilities. Both during his years with Luke and during his explorations with the Knights of Ren, he had studied the many ways in which the Force manifested. He had vague memories of a Togruta woman explaining him about the World Between Worlds when he was a child. The memories were so old and foggy that he couldn’t even remember if she had been a hologram or an actual person. Back on then he was little more than a toddler.

Could that be it? What were the odds of this man being a time-traveler or a visitor from another dimension, in which Ben Solo had never turned to the dark-side?

Kylo was certain of one thing, he wouldn’t know for sure until he caught the man asked him himself.

-

Rey has the feeling that this is going _too_ smoothly. 

She has regained most of her senses, no longer feeling dizzy and lightheaded. The Stormtrooper appears to be even more nervous than her, telling himself that everything is fine in a hushed voice. It's starting to get on her nerves and it takes every little shred of willpower to keep herself from telling him to shut up. But he _is_ saving her, so her lips remain shut.

They are not on a ship, but on a gigantic station. The hangar alone is massive, the size of one of the old Star Destroyers that Rey used to search for spare parts on Jakku. When the gates open to receive TIE fighters, Rey sees a snowy forest instead a dark space and stars. It’s a base, not a station as she first thought. She tries to contain her reaction as the cold breeze hit her. She had never seen anything like it.

“We need a pilot,” he lets her know and she follows his gaze to the troopers in the black fly-suits. That’s just begging for trouble.

“We have one,” she whispers back. “I can fly anything.”

“Alright, alright. Let’s do this.” They climb the stairs that lead to the open hatch of one of the TIE-fighters, Rey lands on the pilot’s seat and the Stormtrooper lands right behind her.

She swallowed, evaluating the many switches and levers before her. “Okay, you take care of the missiles. You know how to shoot?”

“A blaster, yes.” Well, then he already knew more than she did.

“Same basics,” she said with too much confidence. “If they shoot at us, you shoot back at them. And I’ll get us out of here.” The TIE stumbles out of its station and it takes Rey two seconds to figure out how to fly the cursed thing. It was easier in the simulations.

As soon as she manages to get the out of the hangar, the Stormtrooper warns her about other three TIE-fighters chasing them.

“Don’t tell me about it, take them down!”

She evades the trees and takes them up, going off planet. The ship asks for coordinates so they can jump through hyperspace, but Rey knows none from memory. Their only chance is to take down the TIE-fighters and make a risky jump to a nearby location. Rey reads their current location and changes the last numbers of the code.

“Hold on!” She warns him as their ship takes a hit on the side. The space turns a blinding white around them and the sound of their chasers becomes distant.

They are in open space before she knows it and she laughs madly, they’ve escaped one of the most powerful forces in the galaxy. The guy behind her laughs too, sharing her joy. When she’s certain that they are no longer being followed, she turns on her seat and offers him a hand.

“I’m Rey.” He shakes it firmly.

“FN-2187.”

Rey frowned. “FN—? Don’t you have a name?”

He shook his head. “We get numbers designated to us.” Rey’s stomach turned, even when she had nothing, she still had her name.

“Is there any one that you like?” He shrugs. “Well, we’ve got time to figure it out.”

They stood in silence for a second, still not believing they had managed to escape.

“So, where did you bring us?” He wondered. Rey looked to the outside of the ship, asteroids floated all around them and the only planet on sight was a greenish ball at the distance.

She swallowed. “I… I really don’t know. I just changed the coordinates a bit, so we can’t be that far from where we were before.”

FN-2187’s eyes widened. “So they can still find us?”

The fuel tank was full, Rey checked. “They can’t track us through hyperspace, but the ship might have a tracker of sorts. We need to land this thing and take it off before get here.”

In the board, the name of the little planet lightened the screen: _D’Qar._ Rey set course there.

“Don’t worry, I know my way around ships. We land, I take it off, we fly safely again.”

“And then?”

Inevitably, her thoughts went to Ben Solo –if that was even his name- and his quest to bring the map to the Resistance. Maz Kanata’s wrinkled face popped up in her mind, along with the vision she had on the basement of her castle. He had offered to help her along her path, he said she could become a Jedi.

Had all of that been a lie? 

“We’ll see.”

-

By the time he has regained the control of his legs and arms, his father shows up to tell him they are about to enter the atmosphere of D’Qar. Well, there goes his plan to jump on an escape pod and storm Starkiller demanding for Rey to be released. That would have gone well, he thinks now with his no longer stunned brain.

“What is in D’Qar?” He asks feigning ignorance. “Another smuggler’s cantina?”

“The Resistance.”

“And my mother.” The idea of facing the woman terrified him to a point he wasn’t willing to admit. In fact, his unwillingness to meet her was enough to overshadow any of the old resentments that arose with the thought of her. “When are going to rescue Rey?”

“The second we are more than two men and a Wookie,” Han Solo said. “Besides, what are you going to do? Storm every First Order base until you find her?”

“I know exactly where they have her.” In the monstrosity that was Starkiller, which he had once commanded in an unofficial triumvirate along with Hux and Phasma. Both of whom they were currently alive, much to his dismay. “Remember that thing that I had to warn the Resistance about? That’s where they have her.”

“You can’t know for sure.”

“But I do.”

Instinctively, a part of him jumps at the sight of so many orange jumpsuits and X-Wings. Pilots come to receive them as if there were heroes, which Ben guesses they are to some degree. He isn’t familiar with any of the faces, as most of them are young and fresh, likely having recently joined the cause.

The Kylo Ren within him is rolling his eyes so hard that Ben feels it on his own skull. It threatens to pull a half-smile out of him.

The base meets his expectations with an impressive accuracy. It looks just like what he had imagined a rebel base to be. Everything looks hastily put together, ready to be packed if needed an evacuation, people are just hanging around with no duties, speaking to their fellow Resistance friends. Nothing like the First Order had been.

Ben can feel people’s eyes over him and while he tells himself over and over again that no one knows who he used to be, he never grows fully at ease. Well, better to be safe than sorry.

Amongst the sea of unknown faces, he manages to spot her. He sees her before she sees him. He doesn’t even have the time to wonder how she escaped Starkiller, for he immediately finds the traitor by her side, still wearing part of his Stormtrooper armor. In the middle of them, chatting excitedly, is the pilot. His droid is right by his feet, chirping into the conversation.

She must sense him, for she turns and their gazes meet. She stares back in hurt and distrust. His stomach drops. _She knows._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... There's a nice chat coming. 
> 
> Also, I didn't want Rey to name Finn because that's Poe's thing ;)
> 
> What do you guys think?


	11. D'Qar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo stops lying.

Ben doesn’t get to stop on his tracks for long, as Chewie pushes him forward, making him stumble in Rey’s direction. Tekka walks quietly behind them. Her friends –who aren’t quite her friends yet- follow her eyes until they see his little group. It’s hard to go unnoticed when a Wookie walks behind you.

“General Solo,” Dameron nods respectfully. Ben would have snorted along with his father if he weren’t so tense. “This is Finn and—“

“Rey,” the relief is evident in the old smuggler’s voice as he greets the girl.

Dameron raises an eyebrow. “You two know each other?”

Rey finally looks away from Ben’s eyes. “As I was telling you, he’s the captain of the crew I was with before getting caught by the First Order.” She turned to Han. “Finn helped me get out, he used to be a Stormtrooper.”

The traitor extends his hand to his father and Han Solo shakes it. “You rescued her?”

“Yes, sir.” He visibly swallowed. “I was stationed in Starkiller base when Lord—Kylo Ren brought her in.” Ben felt Han’s eyes on him.

“Starkiller?”

“That’s what I came to warn you all about,” Ben interfered. The traitor blinked at him, as if he had just realized he was there. The pilot turned at him too, squinting his eyes at Ben.

“I don’t think we have met before.” _If only you knew_ , Ben thought.

“I’m Ben Solo, General Organa’s son.” Dameron’s eyes widened. Apparently his mother had either kept his existence under wraps or lied about him dying during the burning of Luke’s Temple. Whichever it was, Ben could work with it. “I’ve been spying the insides of the First Order for years and Starkiller is something you _must_ hear of.”

Like any good soldier, Dameron quickly understood the severity of his tone. “Follow me, I’ll take you to the command center. The general should be there.” His father discretely fidgeted with his jacket and shirt. Ben felt the need to snort, no matter how much they antagonized each other, his mother always welcomed him with open arms.

His head was a mess, torn between worrying about what Rey might say to the wrong people and praying that his mother would believe him like his father had. Leia might have it harder at the time of trusting the words of his estranged son over the ones of her virtuous twin. He could only hope that she wouldn’t publicly accuse him of being Kylo Ren, else he’d land himself in a much bigger trouble than he already was.

As they followed Dameron through the base, Ben tried to remember when had been the last time he had seen his mother. He was barely more than a child then, when she had introduced him to his uncle and left him with the man. He did his best to keep the resentment away. It was so easy to slip back into his younger self’s head, back on when he had spent whole nights wondering why his parents had sent him away, why he hadn’t been good enough to keep around.

Ben eyed Dameron from behind, he had been so easy to hate from afar. His mother’s golden boy, the son she never had but deserved. The bitterness had turned his stomach to the point which he wouldn’t eat for the day. His father’s crewmembers had been equally despicable, young and charming, roguish just like the man himself, they were the kids he wished he would have had instead of Ben.

He physically shook his head, shaking the feelings away. He couldn’t think of that now, he had greater issues to deal with. He threw a look at Rey, she was chatting behind them with the traitor. It didn’t matter, Ben could _feel_ her, reaching out to him, perhaps not knowingly. Right after he told his mother about Starkiller, he’d speak with Rey.

Unlike the First Order, the command center is open to everyone and nobody bats an eye at them as they get in. A part of him can’t help but think about the possible security breaches.

There’s people around a table, Ben’s eyes brush over each one of them until they land on a small figure, with a grey bun on her head. He feels his throat close and he fears that he might not be able to say a word about Starkiller.

His mother had once told him of the bond they shared when he was a child. It must have been before Snoke took a hold of him, very early in his childhood, for Ben had no memory of it. The last time he had felt his mother in the Force was a few days ago, when she had reached out to him before passing. The lightsaber burning through his lung had hurt less than feeling her go.

When he has her in front of him, General Organa turns to look at him. She’s no longer the young woman who had kissed him goodbye before leaving him with Luke, her face is wrinkled and she looks so… old. Sad. It shakes him more than with his father.

She, the avid politician, hides her emotions well enough when their gazes meet. But Ben still feels her internal turmoil, that, she doesn’t bother to dissimulate.

“Ben.” It feels like a punch to the gut. “It’s been a while.”

“General Organa,” he stiffens, unwilling to cry in front of strangers. “I’ve just returned from mission, I brought the intel that was promised.” He has never been good at hiding his emotions and he won’t get better now. Maker, he wishes everyone would just leave them alone.

His mother reads him well. “Leave us, all of you. Please.” A corner of his lip twitches, an officer shouldn’t ask his underlings with ‘ _please_ ’.

People scurry away from them without a word, Dameron is the one who needs a second to realize he’s not invited to the conversation. He gestures at the traitor. “Come on, I’ll show you where you can stay.” Rey is about to follow them when Ben grabs her wrist.

“Stay.” He begs.

-

They had been lucky. What were odds that they would land in the Resistance’s base?

Every gun was pointed at them until they got out of the TIE-fighter with their hands on the air. Luckily, they didn’t look like spies from the First Order. Rey wore her scavenger’s clothes and Finn –who’d get his name from the handsome pilot who received them- still had most of his armor on.

The pilot is easily the most charismatic person Rey has ever met. Finn seems to like him a lot and Rey can see why. The man did not only give him a name, he also offered him his own jacket, so he’d have something to wear other than the Stormtrooper clothes.

Poe had told them he’d take them to meet General Organa, who Rey learned was Han Solo’s wife, and none other than Princess Leia, hero of the Rebellion. They never get to do so, for the Falcon lands not half an hour after they do.

Ben is there, along with the rest of the crew. As soon as their gazes meet, Rey is certain that he knows that she’s learned the truth. _Good_ , she thinks. He’ll have no choice but to come clean about it, else she’ll tell his father. Or worse, his mother.

She stares at his hand as he holds her wrist, not ungently. Behind him are his parents, Chewie and Lor San Tekka. She almost wishes they could have a private conversation, just the two of them, but Rey also realizes the benefit in having so many witnesses around them. She knew he was a liar, but what if he was like Kylo Ren? Would he break into her head and make her forget what she’d learned in Starkiller? Could he even do that?

Rey stays in silence until the last of the Resistance members leave the room. She sees Ben swallowing nervously, then scratching the back of his neck.

“I used to be Kylo Ren,” he begins. Rey has to bite her tongue to keep any words from slipping out. Confusion claws at her. Didn’t Ren tell her _he_ used to be Ben Solo? “I’ve just recently deserted the First Order.”

“The thing is… I’m not from here.” Rey doesn’t miss the look he throws to San Tekka. Ben ran a hand through his hair. “Where I come from, the war is over, the Resistance won. Something happened to me, during the final battle and when I woke up, I was in Jakku a year before my time.”

“I don’t understand. You said that you used to be Kylo Ren, but I’ve met Ren.” Ben winced. “I’ve seen the man. He told me that _he_ used to be Ben Solo.”

“He’s not lying. After Luke’s academy burned, I ran to Snoke. I killed the former Master of the Knights of Ren and took his mantle. I became Kylo Ren…And when I returned to the path of the light, I became Ben Solo once more. He and I…We are the same, just at different times.”

“So you lied.” Han Solo said.

“I had to. You are the one who’s always complaining about all the mumbo-jumbo. Would you have believed me if I told you who I was?”

“I’m believing you now.” Ben sighed.

“Wait. If you come from the future…Have we met before?” Rey thought of the times she had caught him staring at her with an odd look in his eyes. Something infinitely sad shone in them before he answered.

“Yes. We have. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth from the beginning.” It didn't feel like enough. Just how close had they been?

“So my son is still out there, wearing a mask.” Leia spoke.

“ _I_ am your son.” Ben stressed, then seemed to realize of what he said. “But yes, he hasn’t returned yet.”

“But he will, right?” The hope in her words was unmasked, as was her love for her son. Rey’s chest constricted, thinking of the foggy memories she had of her own mother. “If you are here, that means he’ll live.”

A fleeting shadow passed through Ben’s eyes. “I don’t know how things will turn out this time. I’ve already changed many things.”

“Such as?”

“My death,” San Tekka responded. “Young Ben has told me that I was to perish on Jakku, as the First Order searched for the map that leads to Luke.”

“You have the map with you?” Leia asked.

“No, we tossed it to the fire. Apparently, it was safer that way. Ben already knows where Luke is anyway.”

Anxiousness poured from Leia, making Rey shudder. Ben noticed it too. “We need to talk about that too, Uncle Luke didn’t tell you the full truth of what happened _that_ night.”

The older woman’s eyes narrowed.

“I can show you if you won’t believe me. I’ve already told them about it.” He gestured at the rest of them. So he hadn’t lied about everything. That was comforting, though she still was wary of him. “But I have something much better to tell you and _much_ more urgent.”

“And what would that be?”

“Starkiller. The base Rey was taken to, it was built over Ilum, the planet that the Jedi would take the younglings to get their kyber crystals.”

“That’s what powered the Death Star.” His mother whispered.

“Yes,” Ben nodded. “It’s still unfinished, but I’ve seen it in action, it can blow up whole systems with a single shot.”

“How do we take it down?” Ben shrugged.

“I have no idea, I was busy fighting someone while it blew up. I think you just… made it explode, like the Death Star.”

“It’s almost like this things are all the same. The First Order didn’t learn much from the Empire, did them?” Han Solo snorted.

“They didn’t. But I assure you, if we take it down now, it’ll save us many future problems.”

“What happens in the future?” Rey questions.

“Nothing good. I don’t want to say much, it doesn’t sound wise for everyone to be so aware of what will happen. But I do know that we have to blow up that thing.”

Chewie roared. _The last time, all it took was a bunch of old pilots._

Han clapped. "Then we've got a plan."

“You can’t,” Leia said softly. They turned to look at her.

“Why not?” Ben frowned.

“Because my son is in that planet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tan tan taaan.... I've been waiting for this moment. 
> 
> Many have been asking me what will happen with Ben and Kylo. And without getting too spoilery, let me say that they won't fuse or merge. Kylo and Ben are two different characters in this fic, and thus their fate won't be shared.
> 
> Also if you wanted Rey to kick his ass, don't worry. She'll take him to somewhere quiet later and have a real chat haha.
> 
> Also, the emotional stuff will come in the next chapter. Sorry if this isn't much of a family reunion. 
> 
> What do you guys think?


	12. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey have a little talk.

The talk doesn’t last for long after that. General Organa calls her people inside and Rey watches the Resistance in action. The start making a plan right there when the woman informs them that there are Resistance members imprisoned in Starkiller. The mission is not only to blow up the superweapon, but to rescue their comrades.

Rey had thought she’d be able to steal Ben and take him to a secluded place so she’d be able to interrogate him, but the commanders of the Resistance monopolize his attention. They bring an engineer, who asks Ben all sorts of questions about the internal machinations of Starkiller. They had gone with Ben’s narrative of him being Leia’s double-agent, with no mention of Kylo Ren in the story.

Finn, of all people, is put to use as well. He provides information about the deep insides of Starkiller, the places that Ben wasn’t familiar with, mainly the Stormtrooper’s barracks and the mechanic bay. At the end of the conversation, Finn and Ben have helped the man to draw a basic blueprint of the planet.

The briefing feels eternal and Rey is exhausted by the time it’s over. For her and a few others, as many stay around the command table. When Leia tells her she’s free to go, Rey almost runs away. She’s not the only one, Ben follows her as she leaves.

Poe had offered a room in the common quarters, but Rey headed to the Falcon, knowing that they’d get some privacy there.

They get inside silently, with only the background noise of mechanics working on the ships around them. Tired as she might be, Rey heads to the cockpit. She takes the co-pilot’s seat, knowing that Ben likes the pilot’s one. Once they are facing each other, she speaks.

“Why didn’t you tell me the truth from the beginning?”

“You would’ve whacked me on the head with your staff and called me a madman.”

“Maybe. Why not when we were on the Falcon?” Rey had trusted him since the moment he woke up, sunburnt and dehydrated. She would have believed him. “Were you ever planning on telling me the truth?”

“No,” he answered honestly. Rey tried not to feel hurt.

“Why not?”

“I still think that it would have been better if no one learned about it. Having someone who knows the future it’s a dangerous thing.”

“You think _I_ would have used you?” She asked sharply.

“No.” Ben’s voice lowered. “Of course not.”

She sighed. Rey looked forward. D’Qar wasn’t Takodana. It lacked the thick forests and high trees, though it had plenty of green bushes. Rey still liked the other one better.

“Were we close?” She asks, and Rey is proud of how like her voice shakes. “In the future, are we friends?” _And if we weren’t, what were we?_

She heard him take a deep breath.

“I can’t tell you everything. I don’t want you to feel like… like you should feel a certain way or as if you owed me something for things that haven’t happened yet. Or may never happen at all.” Rey frowned, he wasn’t making any sense. Anger boiled beneath her skin.

“I’m not asking you to tell me _everything_ , just be honest. Give me something.” She crossed her arms. “It wasn’t nice to see your face when Kylo Ren took off the helmet.” She turned to look at him, he had the decency to look embarrassed.

“I’m sorry.” He said. Rey didn’t want his apologies, she wanted the truth.

“How did we meet?” Ben went red.

“Just like you met Kylo Ren, ironically. I guess some things never change.”

“We met in Takodana and he chased me through the forest—“

“—and he knocked you out and carried you to his shuttle. Then, the next time you woke up you were in Starkiller, in an interrogation chair.” She shuddered, as if she could feel the cold of the cell.

“And then he…Went inside my head. Did you do that Ben?”

“Yes.” Rey closed her eyes.

“I don’t understand. Why were you nice to me on Jakku and Takodana if we are enemies? Were you just laughing at me?”

“What? No. Never.” He shook his head. “We aren’t enemies anymore. I don’t think we ever were. Though you did cut my face and stabbed me.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “And you say we weren’t enemies?” She didn’t want to imagine what they were like as friends.

He shrugged, shifting on the pilot’s seat. “I had it coming, and those were two separate fights. We fought before we got along, then we fought together.” There was longing in his voice and Rey wished she knew more of their shared history. He wasn’t telling her all the truth. “And then we fought each other again.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“It may have been my fault… But you are the one who’s always trying to kill me,” he said casually. “All I ever wanted was for us to—“Ben stopped himself. “I wanted us to be allies.”

“Why would Kylo Ren want me as his ally?”

“Because you have great power. I didn’t lie in Maz’s castle, you could be a very powerful Jedi, with the right master.”

“You wanted to make me a Jedi?”

“No. I hate the Jedi.” Rey blinked in confusion. “Their doctrine at least, I think the Order is better off dead. Kylo Ren wanted to make you his apprentice.”

“But you said on Takodana—“

“I told you that because I wanted you to stay. I was afraid that you’d go back to Jakku if you didn’t find a good reason to stay. So I offered to take you to Luke.” He huffed. “Not even that was enough to keep you around.”

Her throat felt tight. Rey remembered how she had sprinted to the forest, away from the lightsaber and Ben Solo.

“I did come back.” She wanted him to know that. “I was running to the castle when the First Order arrived.”

His eyes softened. They sat in a comfortable silence for minutes, until Rey decided to speak again.

“Why do you think the Force sent you here?”

Ben was quiet for a moment.

“You’ve met Kylo Ren. You know what he is, I used to be him. I did many terrible things under Snoke’s command. I think I’m here to make right by them. It’s my second chance.”

“How do you know it’s your chance?”

Ben frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you said you are not from here. Kylo Ren is from here. Maybe the Force didn’t send you back to fix your mistakes, but to keep Kylo Ren from making them.”

“That’s the same thing.”

“No.” She said with a confidence she didn’t feel. “Maybe you are here to save Kylo Ren. To turn him back to the light.”

Ben looked away. “No one can save him but himself.”

“Well, you turned at the end. And if you two are the same… What makes you think he can’t?”

“You have too much faith.”

_And you don’t have enough_ , she wanted to tell him, but kept quiet.

“I’m going to take a walk. You should get some sleep.” She says instead, though a part of her complains that she should go to sleep.

“I can go with you,” he offers immediately. It pulls an unwilling smile from her.

“Don’t worry, I don’t think Kylo Ren will come to chase me here.” She teased, he didn’t seem to enjoy the joke.

-

He tells his Master the truth, that the girl knew nothing of Skywalker and she only was a temporal member of the Falcon’s crew. He speaks of her power, the way she was strong but untrained. His Master encouraged him to turn her. Though before he stepped away from the room, an alarm began to sound.

The girl had escaped, aided by a Stormtrooper. Thankfully, the blame laid on Hux –for his program wasn’t fully effective- and on Phasma –for the traitor had belonged to her division. It still didn’t stop him from raging. Of course he’d find a powerful force-user and lose her right away. His Master was beyond disappointed, though not at him.

His new mission was to find her, along with the Resistance’s base and the map to Luke Skywalker. It seemed like nowadays he was the only one who did anything productive. Starkiller was baptized yet not finished, so it wasn’t like they could simply strike the Republic at any time.

He was burning the remains of his frustration in the Ren’s private training room. There were plenty of gymnasiums for Stormtrooper Captains and lower ranked officers, but Kylo and his knights had one of their own, one they could use –tear apart- to their pleasure. He wondered how much did cost to repair it each time they shred it to pieces.

He’s practicing his footing. Old Ren had taught him that the best attacks weren’t planned at all, the man himself used to lash out wildly and unexpectedly. It had worked well for him until Kylo ended his life, thus becoming the Master of the Knights of Ren. Even as an acolyte, he had never been able to fully renounce the Jedi training. The techniques had been marked on his head.

Just as he jumps forward, ready to strike the training droid, the Force shifts around him. He lands in one knee, receiving the warning shot of the droid on his shoulder. Kylo grunted, cutting him down.

Something wasn’t right. He wasn’t alone anymore. There was someone else with him and air felt strangely cool and humid.

His eyes scanned the room, quickly landing on the slim form of the scavenger, who seemed equally surprised and alarmed to see him.

Her hand went to her belt, reaching for a blaster that wasn’t there, one he had taken away before interrogating her. He turned off the lightsaber, letting her know he meant no threat. When he stepped towards her, she took a step back.

“How did you find me?” She asked sharply, eyes shining in the dark of the room.

“I didn’t, though rest assured, I will.” He squinted his eyes. “Why is the Force connecting us, you and I?”

She ignored him. “You’ll _never_ find me.”

“Are you projecting…? No, the effort would kill you.”

Rey’s face twisted in confusion. Her whole body was tense, ready to defend itself in case he attacked. Kylo put away the lightsaber, making sure she would see it.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“The Force. You could learn about it if you came to me. You need a teacher. I could show you the ways of the Force.”

He saw it, the glint in her gaze, the hunger for knowledge. He had once been like that.

“I don’t need your help.” She said, and then she was gone.

He wonders if the Stormtrooper is still with her. Or if she’s alone.

-

She runs back to the Falcon, heart beating wildly on her chest and blood pounding in her ears.

What was that? It seemed like for every answer she got, two more questions appeared.

Kylo Ren’s presence hadn’t been threatening, all the contrary, he had been unarmed and without his mask. He had offered to be her teacher. It matched well enough with what Ben had told her. His apprentice and ally, he wishes to turn her.

Her pace slows as the ship comes into view. Suddenly, she’s not sure she wants to tell him about it. He refused to give her any details about their future, Rey can’t help but wonder if something like this happened between them, or if this is the Force’s way to fix what _he_ has prevented from happening.

Is that even how the Force works?

It frustrates her to no end, being uncertain of things. It reminds her of hungry nights and endless lines of marking on a wall.

She knows one thing, she needs someone to teach her about the Force. By first light tomorrow, she’ll ask Ben to train her.

When she enters the crew quarters, he’s already sleeping in one of the bunks. Staring at him silently and feeling guilty, Rey slips into the opposite one and sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup. Yup. Yup. THAT HAPPENED.
> 
> All of you get on the Dyad/Forcebond train cause we going places!
> 
> Also I totally forgot to include the "Don't be afraid, I feel it too." line during the interrogation and I want to kick myself. Might go and change it later.
> 
> Thoughts?


	13. Planning and sharing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has lunch with his parents. Rey decides she wants to train.

“Master Ben!”

Instinctively, he shoots up into a sitting position, hitting his head against the top bunk as his hand reached for his lightsaber, which wasn’t there.

What a pleasant way to wake up, he thinks. The first thing his foggy eyes spot is another familiar piece of junk. Though unlike the Falcon, Ben can see C-2PO has been well cared for. Likely because the droid was in his mother’s care.

“Hello C-3PO,” he greets, rubbing his forehead.

“Oh, you’ve recognized me! I feared you might not because of my arm.” The droid sported a red arm, which crashed against the rest of his golden body. “You’ve grown up so much, you were hardly a teenager the last time we saw you…” And much like he used to do back on then, Ben blocked him out.

He had never been fond of droids. His parents had relegated his care to them more often than not, and one had tried to kill him when he was a toddler, so he was wary around them. He didn’t like them, and when he was Kylo Ren, they suffered at the end of his worst temper tantrums.

Artoo was the only one he had tolerated, even liked, he’d let him curse and rant about missing his home and never rat him out to Luke.

He stared around the crew quarters. There was no one else on sight and all the beds were made. So that meant his father had never returned to the Falcon after the briefing. Ben ignored the implications and asked C-3PO about Rey.

“Miss Rey? Oh, right! She’s at the mess hall, having lunch.” Ben’s eyes widened. How much had he slept? “It would seem that you both are heavy sleepers, she left just an hour ago.”

C-3PO let him know that his mother had sent for him; she wished he’d join her for the meal. Ben nodded at the droid and left the crew quarters. After taking a quick shower, he put on the same clothes as the day before and headed to the mess hall. Pilots and technicians greeted him as he made his way through the Resistance’s base. Ben couldn’t help but think that they wouldn’t be so polite if they knew who he used to be.

The mess halls of Supremacy and Starkiller had been rather quiet. Ben had access to the officers buffet, but he ate mostly in his rooms, away from prying eyes like a Mandalorian. But he had gone there once or twice, mostly to… _dispose_ of people who were no longer useful. It had been a quiet place, silent and solemn like the rest of shared spaces in the First Order.

The mess hall of D’Qar wasn’t quiet. People chatted animatedly with their peers, rations were served and drinks were shared between many. Ben was instantly overwhelmed by the amount of people without helmets. Once more, he wished he had his mask with him.

He spotted Rey sitting with none other than the traitor and the pilot. He wasn’t sure if he’d prefer to sit amongst them or alone with his parents. Both options were equally dreadful. Ben tried to push away the guilt as he saw them in a round table, sharing what appeared to be tea with Lor San Tekka and Chewbacca. Knowing Han, it’s probably wine.

They turn to look at him as he approaches the table.

“Did you sleep well?” His mother inquires, as if this weren’t their first meal together in almost twenty years.

“Yes, I think the excitement of the last few days is catching up with me.” He answers, pouring a cup of whatever they are having. It smells sweet. There’s bread of some sort to eat with it at the center of the table. “I don’t usually sleep more than five hours.” And that was on a lucky day.

“I remember that,” Han said. Ben stared at him, swallowing. He wasn’t sure if it was tea, but it was disgustingly sweet. Just like he liked it. “We couldn’t get you to sleep at all when you were a baby.”

“Because of the nightmares,” Leia supplied gently. Ben didn’t miss the way her eyes darkened.

It was terribly odd. He could feel her presence in the Force, but he didn’t share with her the bond he used to have with his mother. Even if she _was_ his mother, technically. He wondered if his past-self could feel her. It’d make sense.

“I’ve been doing fine since I got here. No nightmares.” He felt the need to tell them, though he didn’t enjoy exposing himself like that.

“But you had them when you were with Snoke?” There was the woman he knew, always straight to the point.

Ben didn’t saw the point on lying. “Snoke was a nightmare of his own.” He doesn’t miss his former Master, and he still hasn’t fully digested that he still lives in this universe. “It was supposed to make more _susceptible_ to emotions. If you don’t sleep properly, you tend lose your patience and get angry awfully quick.” He shrugged. “I was easier to control like that. Unstable.”

There went any chance of this being a nice meal with a light conversation. To think it had only started with his mother asking if he had slept well. His hair fell over his eyes as he buried his face in the cup. He needed a cut, or something to tie it with.

“Why did you join that man?” She asks and Ben sees her own resentment laying beneath the hurt.

“Leia—“ Han began, but Ben cut him.

“He was always there.” He says and a cold feeling washes over him.

“Since the beginning.” She continued for him, rage bubbling up to the surface. It was more than strange to feel it coming from her. “In the shadows. We should’ve done something sooner.”

“Not sending me away to live with a monk I barely knew would have helped.” Ben winces, because he can’t help being like this. “You wouldn’t have been able to do anything, even if you wanted to.” He tries again, gentler. “He made me think we were friends, that he was looking after me.” He can’t help but shiver in disgust. “When everything happened with Luke… I was ashamed, I couldn’t go back to you so I went to him.”

“Your father told me.”

He wanted to ask if she believed him, but he didn’t. He didn’t have to.

“He didn’t show his true colors until much later, after I killed Ren.”

“Ren?” Lor San Tekka intervened, surprised. Right, he had met the man once along with Ben and Luke. Leia stared at the scholar.

“Who do you mean?”

“The former Master of the Knights of Ren, I told you of him yesterday.” Though vaguely so. “He was…really cool to me as a kid.” He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Han threw him a look, not one of reproach, but one of confusion. “He used the dark side of the Force. I met him when we were looking for Jedi relics with Uncle Luke. He realized there was something dark about me.” Ben frowned. “He spoke of a shadow that followed me. I think he knew of Snoke, even before I did.”

“Anyway, he said that if I ever wanted to know more about it, I should look for him. When the academy burned, I ran to Snoke and he sent me to look for Ren.” It had been years since he had last thought of his second Master. Of all three of them, Ren had probably been the best. The only one who had seemed to give a damn about him.

And Ben had killed him.

“Snoke told me to kill him. So I did.” He heard his mother taking a deep breath. “He… I didn’t always knew he was dark.” He still could feel the humid air of the greenhouse where he had met Snoke. He remembered the flowers and the skeletons. “He painted himself as neither dark nor light. Balanced.” And though young Ben had realized something was off about him, his desire for knowledge and belonging had blinded him.

“It wasn’t your fault.” His mother says fiercely. “You were a child, you shouldn’t have to be dealing with him to begin with.”

It’s many years too late for it to mean anything, but her words make his throat close. How different the story would have been if he had just gone to her with the truth.

Han coughed, ending the tense silence that had formed at her words.

“We are going to attack Starkiller in two days. We are summoning whatever help we can get from the Republic.” He let him know. Ben kept his surprise to himself, it was easy to forget there used to be a Republic when all of it was ashes. “I’d like you to join us. I’m going with the ground team.”

The look in his eyes as Kylo ran his lightsaber through his middle flashed on his mind.

“You can’t,” he told him, his voice raising. “Who will fly the Falcon?”

“Chewie can do it. I’m going to help with the _rescue_ mission.” He emphasized, hoping that Ben would take the hint. Panic arose within him.

“It’s not safe.” He pushed. “You are an old man, Starkiller has thousands of well-trained troops. You won’t stand a chance there.”

“Hey!” The man complained. “I did just fine on Takodana.” He crossed his arms. “You know why I have to go.”

Ice ran through his veins. Ben swallowed.

“You will accomplish nothing.”

He glared. “If you came back, then he can too.”

What hurt the most was the hope in his voice. The memories he had of his father as a young man were hard enough to reconcile with the old man before him, and even then, his image of the man clashed against the one of the stories of the Rebellion. But in that moment, Ben saw young General Solo.

“You weren’t the one to turn me.” He stressed, though it was a lie. Killing his father had been his worst sin, but it had been the act that shook him enough to realize he’d never be the monster that Snoke wanted to turn him into. “I’ll say it again: _nothing_ good will come out of you going. Stick to the sky, that’s what you are better at.”

Maybe the other Ben wouldn’t get the push he needed into the one direction, but he wasn’t the priority here. Keeping his father alive was.

“You can’t stop me, kid.” Han Solo said. “An old man against thousands of troops? I like those odds. You can join me or you can stay here.” Then he crossed his arms.

Ben thought of how Chewie had stunned him so he wouldn’t run back to Maz’s castle back on Takodana. If his father wanted something done, he would find a way to do it.

Ben would have to look for his grandfather’s lightsaber.

“I’m going.”

-

Rey decides that she likes the Resistance. Enough to entertain the idea of actually joining the cause. All everyone seems to talk about is the mission. Even Finn, who had first let Rey know that he’d be leaving as soon as he got transport, found himself drawn to the ideals. He chatted with Poe excitedly about how he’d like to bring back his own squadron before Starkiller blew up.

She learned that apparently there were Stormtroopers of all ages, all of them brought into the Order at a young age, young enough that they wouldn’t remember who they used to be and who their families were. The thought alone was frightening, though not unfamiliar to her. Rey at least knew her name.

It was hard to think that Ben would have joined willingly such organization. Though he had made it seem like he had no other options.

She was still debating on whether to tell him or not about the strange connection she had briefly shared with Kylo Ren. Ultimately, keeping quiet had won. After all, if they were the same person, it couldn’t be _that_ dangerous, right?

He had said that Rey stabbed him and cut his face at some point, but he didn’t seem to hold any grudges about it. She couldn’t help but ponder on their relationship. He made it sound as if they were on friendly terms in his time, but she wondered how they had come to those friendly terms from the stabbing and cutting. Since he didn’t seem to be eager to share, she’d have to figure it out on her own.

She catches him right after lunch –which had been breakfast for her- as he was leaving the mess hall. He looks surprised to see her approaching him, likely because she hadn’t been very happy with his explanations the night before.

“I’ve been thinking about what you told me on Takodana. And I accept, I want you to teach me.”

“Any particular reasons on this change of heart?”

Rey shrugged innocently. “I’ve decided that I need a teacher. And since Luke Skywalker is not around, you are the second best choice.”

He actually snorts at that. “The second best?” He asks, but there’s no bite to his words.

“Yes. Besides, if I’m going to help with ground team for the rescue mission, I can’t get knocked out as soon as Ren shows up again.” His eyes widen at the mention of the other him.

“You are going to Starkiller?”

“Everyone is going. Someone has to put the bombs on the center of the planet and they need all the help they can get for the actual rescues. Finn is insisting that there are many child-troopers there we need to get out before it explodes.”

“And you decided that to help with that. So you’re really staying.” A faint smile graced his features, though she senses that he wasn’t entirely happy with her choice. Rey didn’t care.

“Your father convinced me, actually. For now. He said I could join him in the Falcon when the attack happens.”

“Of course he did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let Finn have his Stormtrooper Rebellion damn it!
> 
> We are going to Starkiller boys, get ready. 
> 
> Ben's backstory with Ren and Snoke is taken from 'The Rise of Kylo Ren' comics, in case you guys are interested.
> 
> Also, I found my old PS2 and I've been playing LEGO Star Wars non-stop. Great times.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think :)


	14. Teachers and apprentices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben trains Rey.

“Keep your legs apart. A bit more, separate them.” Ben sighed. “Not like that, like this.” He instructed.

She could kill him.

Turns out, Ben happened to be a good teacher, but one obsessed with perfection. Before they made use of the empty landing track that Leia had given them, Ben had let her know he was by no means perfect or an expert when it came to lightsaber combat techniques.

“There are seven different ways of lightsaber combat. A fighter will usually specialize in one, but it’s important to know them all.” He had told her. “Sadly, neither I nor Luke got to be trained in any of these forms by an actual Master. All the knowledge we had come from old Jedi Holocrons.”

“Jedi Holocrons?”

“Kind of like normal holos, but you need the Force to open them. They have information inside of them, instructions on how to do a certain thing and they might even have maps. They were made by Jedi who wanted their knowledge to outlive them. Most of them were lost during the Jedi purge, but we still managed to find many in old temples.”

“Did you do that often?” The thought of Ben as young boy hunting for treasure threatened to bring a smile to her face. “Search for relics I mean.”

Ben nodded. “There was a lot exploration in my first years a padawan. We found a lot things, some that Luke insisted we destroy.” He didn’t seem to agree with his uncle’s position. At Rey’s inquiring gaze, he explained. “Not all Holocrons are from the Jedi, some come from the Sith. Where’s great light there’s great darkness, so it wasn’t uncommon for us to find Sith relics close to Jedi ones.”

Rey felt curious. “What’s the difference between them?”

Ben shrugged. “There isn’t much, not really. The Jedi Holocrons are cube-shaped and blue, the Sith ones are red pyramids.” She raised an eyebrow and he huffed. “Well, when it comes to the content, let’s say that the Sith Holocrons teach things that the Jedi ones don’t.”

“Like what?”

Ben threw her a sardonic smile. “The dark side is the pathway to many abilities that some may consider… unnatural.” He sounded like he was quoting someone. “Looking back, we probably did well in destroying some of it.”

She frowned, but Ben didn’t elaborate.

Despite his claims of being no expert, he critiqued her every moment as if he were. She had started to sweat from the effort of standing still. And they weren’t even done with form one!

“ _Shii-Cho_ is the first form that a Jedi youngling would’ve learned.” He said as he assessed her footing. Rey hoped she was doing it right, because she was starting to grow both tired and impatient. Her legs were becoming stiff. Ben seemed to notice. “You can rest.”

She let herself fall to the floor, turning off the lightsaber. Ben had given it to her once he was done showing her how to properly wield it. Rey suspected he was holding himself back as he moved. Something about the way his muscles tensed in anticipation and his gaze sharpened told her how much strength went behind his instructions.

“I think I’ll stick to a blaster for the Starkiller attack, you should keep the lightsaber.” She told him lightly from her spot on the floor. Ben grabbed a bottle of water before taking a seat by her side.

“The Jedi trained their whole lives to become great warriors.” He reminded her. “You can’t expect to have it all figured it in two hours of training.”

“We are two days away from attacking Starkiller.” She pointed out. “I need to learn as much as I can.”

“Once you figure out Shii-Cho, I can show you the other six and you can choose the one that fits you better.” He offered before drinking from the bottle. “The techniques are pretty different. Some are more focused on defense than others.” Ben rolled his eyes at that. “If you ask me, the best defense is a good attack.”

“What’s the form that you use?” She wondered. Rey had never seen him fight.

“ _Ataru_ and _Juyo_. They are attack-centered as you might guess, they take a lot of control over the Force and oneself, and they are pretty violent, but extremely effective.” He threw her a look. “A novice shouldn’t be trying them.”

Rey huffed. “I thought you said you were no expert.”

“By no means, but I definitely have experience. Master Windu was known to be great at Juyo. In fact, it was from him that I learned it: the Holocron was his. He seemed like an… interesting man.” He handed her the bottle. “The Sith favored those techniques, but Luke had to allow it, since the Jedi also used them. I wasn’t the only one who fought like that in the academy, but I was the best.” He said humbly.

She couldn’t help the pang of jealously that went through her. She would have liked to grow up like that, to have access to things like Jedi Holocrons and go treasure hunting with a man like Luke Skywalker. An academy full of people just like her, who shared her interest and powers. But Ben seemed to have hated all of that.

“You said you never wanted to be a Jedi, but all of that sounds—“She shook her head. “It sounds amazing, right out of a legend.” She stared at him incredulously. “Didn’t you doubt for a second?” Rey thinks she wouldn’t have. “Wouldn’t you have liked to become a Master Jedi?” She had noticed that he enjoyed training her, giving directions. It wasn’t hard to picture him in white robes and with a greyish beard.

Ben shifted in his spot, staring at the sky of D’Qar. The sun was going down and things were quiet around them.

“Like I told you… I didn’t want to be there to begin with. I saw it less as an opportunity to learn and more as a punishment for not being good enough for my parents. When I got good enough that it actually became fun in a way, my uncle started to distrust me. It didn’t help that I’ve always leaned to the darker aspects of the Force.”

A shiver ran down her spine, something put her on edge about the way he said it.

“So you left?” She asked, though she recalled that he had been there when the place had burned.

“I should have.” He confessed. “If not for me, then for everyone there. I—There has always been a shadow, looming over me, speaking to me. One night, Luke saw the darkness within me and decided that I wasn’t worth the risk of ending up with another Vader.”

“What happened?”

“He tried to kill me.” He spat bitterly and Rey felt his anger sinking into her bones as if it were her own. It made her wince. “But he didn’t succeed. I brought the hut down over him, I thought I had killed him.” He moved his hands nervously. “Someone set the temple on fire while all of that happened, most of the students slept there.”

“Why didn’t you?” She interrupted him. Ben threw her a look.

“I have nightmares.” He swallowed. “Or at least I did back on then, I didn’t want to wake up anyone with my screams, so I just slept in one of the huts outside. My uncle slept in one too.” Sympathy spiked inside of her. She had known her share of horrid dreams. “Well, that was the night I fled. I couldn’t come to my parents, so I went to Snoke. You know the rest of the story.”

She didn’t, but it wasn’t hard to imagine.

“Are there any other Jedi left?” Certainly, not all of them died in the fire. “Besides your uncle?”

“Are you looking for a new teacher?” He teased, but he didn’t answer her question. She saw the guilt behind his eyes.

“We could look for them,” she offered. “There’s no way that all of them fell with the fire.”

“They didn’t. Three were off-planet at the time.”

Her eyes widened. “Great! Do you know where they might be?”

When their gazes met, all hope died within her. He stared at her with both pity and regret. The combination twisted her guts.

“They are dead Rey.” His hands tightened around the bottle. “They arrived right after the temple burned. I was alone and everyone around me was dead… Not to mention that I had a reputation for being dark, beyond being Vader’s grandson. I don’t blame them for reaching their conclusions.”

“They attacked you.” She stated.

“They did. I didn’t want to kill them—not back on then.” He turned nervously. “I told them to go back home, but they followed me. And I—I wasn’t going to let them kill me.”

Rey suddenly felt cold. “You killed them.”

He didn’t need to say anything, Rey knew the answer.

“How did I take this the first time you told me?”

Ben blinked. “I don’t think you knew.”

“Oh.”

Rey felt his nervousness bubbling up. “I was with Snoke for many years.” Ben said gently. “I did many terrible things for him, but ultimately, the choice was mine.”

“But you came to keep them from happening—“

“Yes. Some of them, the ones I can control. But remember, all the things I came to stop, I’ve already done them on my own.” He warned. Rey couldn’t understand why he’d tell her this. “You haven’t even forgiven me for many of them.”

She frowned. “When you looked inside my head?” She felt tempted to tell him that she had done the same to him after it, but kept it to herself.

“I’ve done worse.”

“To me?” She didn’t like how fragile her voice sounded.

“No, to those you cared about.”

 _Who did she have to care about?_ Rey wondered. She couldn’t think of a soul. Han? Finn? She had met them both by chance, but she had no way of knowing how things had gone in his time.

Ben cleared his throat before she could speak again.

“Let’s practice that footing again, shall we?”

-

Dinner is mostly uneventful, Ben sits with his parents and Rey goes to the lower tables with her friends.

There are new faces at the table this time, which leads Rey to believe that Poe might have kept them away during lunch so she and Finn wouldn’t get overwhelmed. Two sisters sit by Rey’s side and a big man with a shy smile sits by Poe’s side. They introduce themselves as Paige and Rose Tico and Temmin Wexley.

Paige is the pilot of a bomber while Rose is a mechanic. Snap pilots an X-Wing like Poe. They waste no time in asking her about her day.

“Is true that you are a Jedi?” The youngest of the Tico sisters asks her.

“I’m not a Jedi,” Rey answers quickly. “But I hope I can become one, Ben is teaching me what he knows.”

Poe Dameron nodded. “I remember that Leia told me her son was in Skywalker’s academy.” He frowned. “I could have sworn he was there when it burned.” Rey almost choked on her ration.

“No. He trained with Skywalker for many years, but he left so he could help the Resistance.” Snap smiled.

“You think he’d be interested in flying one of the X-Wings? We are always looking for new pilots.”

Rey couldn’t picture Ben in an orange fly suit. “You’ll have to ask him, I really don’t know. I think he’s going with ground team in Starkiller.”

Snap blushed. “I don’t think I could ask him.”

Rey raised an eyebrow, chewing down her veggie-portion. “Why not?”

“He seems so… Unapproachable.”

“Kind of terrifying.” Finn provided.

“Agreed.” Poe said.

Rey frowned, but Paige Tico jumped to his defense before she could. “Don’t be like that! You’d be unapproachable too after posing as a First Order officer for so long.” Wedge looked embarrassed. “We must show him he is amongst friends once more, then he’ll be more welcoming.” She turned at Rey. “You should tell him to eat with us.”

“I will.” She promised. She and Ben hadn’t really talked much after training.

“I lived my whole life with the Order and I’m not unapproachable.” Finn complained. Rose glared daggers at him.

“You tried to steal an escape pod to fly off planet!” Rey’s eyes widened. She hadn’t heard about that. Finn went red under the inquiring gazes.

“I wasn’t going to—“

“I don’t believe you.”

“Rose!”

“You stun me so hard I couldn’t even feel my teeth!”

“You had it coming!”

Rey laughed. Finn insisted once more that he was only checking the conditions of the ship, while Poe palmed his back heartedly, assuring that all of them had done things they were ashamed off. The Tico sisters denied it. Rey found herself thoroughly enjoying dinner.

She failed to see how Ben’s eyes lingered on her.

-

Later that night, when everyone is asleep or in the process of getting ready for bed, Rey slips out of the Falcon with Ben’s lightsaber and a mission: to practice her kriffing footing. She’d ask him to join her, but Rey believes that a tad of distance will be good for them. She’s still trying to digest that the Ben she knows used to be Kylo Ren, who he claimed had done monstrous things.

The forest offers little coverage, but the darkness of the night and the fact that there’s no one around give her all the privacy she needs.

She feels like he’s trying to protect her from the truth. He wouldn’t do that if he thought her his equal, she thinks. Which is why she’s determinate to learn the forms, to show him she’s strong.

She still wishes the lightsaber were larger, like her staff. She can’t help but mess up some of the movements because of the unfamiliarity of the grips. She takes a deep breath and tries her best once more. Legs separated, breathing evenly, grip firm.

Suddenly, she’s thrown off balance as the Force vibrates around her.

“Your footing is abhorrent.” Kylo Ren says matter-of-factly. “Though not bad for a beginner.” 

She throws him a look as she fights the urge of throwing the lightsaber at him. He is not wearing his usual robes, but black pants and a long-sleeved shirt. It feels more casual, something someone would wear to bed. His red lightsaber is nowhere to be seen.

“You think you could do it better?” She hisses thoughtlessly. Ren doesn’t answer, he looks from her face to the lightsaber. His eyes narrow.

“That lightsaber.” He speaks calmly, but Rey feels a storm beneath the surface. “It belongs to me. Where did you get it?”

He takes a step towards her and Rey takes a step back. “Yours? You were the one who insisted I should keep it.” She doesn’t mention Maz’s castle, in fear it may put the woman in danger.

“The other me?” He huffs. “That explains the _Shii-Cho_. Is he training you to become a Jedi, this Ben Solo?”

She says nothing. “I wouldn’t teach you Shii-Cho, when there’s much more interesting things to be learned.”

“Like Ataru and Juyo?” He raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised.

“At least he’s teaching you that.” The corner of his lip twisted. “Bold move, to teach it to someone who can barely hold a lightsaber.”

She glares at him. “He isn’t teaching me those, he says a novice shouldn’t try them.”

“I wholly agree.” Of course he does. “There are other things he could teach you, much easier to manage and handier in battle.”

She can’t help it. “Such as?”

He lifts a hand and before she can say anything against it, she feels phantom fingers around her throat. She doesn’t struggle, for while they are there, they don’t actually squeeze. They let go of her in an instant and Rey takes a deep breath.

“What was that?”

“Force choke.” He smiles. “But it makes sense you wouldn’t know about it.”

“Why is that?”

“You’d need the dark side to do it, and good Jedi don’t use it.”

She recalled what Ben had told her about certain powers that came from the dark side.

Ren must have seen the question in her eyes, for he offered immediately. “I could teach you about it, if you wanted me to. Not just that, there’s so much more to learn that a Jedi won’t teach you.”

She didn’t decline nor accept his offer. “Why would you teach me that? Aren’t you afraid I might use it against you?” She might be on friendly terms with Ben, but she didn’t trust Kylo.

He tried to shrug casually. “I'd certainly be happier if you didn't, but all must masters face their students eventually.”

She thought of Ben and Luke, of him and the other Master of the Knights of Ren, and Snoke. A shiver went down her spine. She said nothing and he vanished eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was the longest chapter I've ever written, hope you liked it!
> 
> I'd like to say that Rey might not be objective here, mostly bc she lacks all of the facts and well, she's not as close with Ben as future Rey is.
> 
> For Kylo, I'm going with Post-TFA fic Kylo. You guys get what I mean? The dark side is pretty cool, huh.
> 
> Tell me your thoughts!


	15. Force-Sensitive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn speaks with Ben. Rey speaks with Kylo.

The traitor has been trying to approach him the whole morning. He’s nervous about it, Ben can tell, and he’s not half as good as he thinks he is at hiding it.

He hasn’t really had the time to think about FN-2187. He holds no grudge towards the man, other than some misplaced jealousy and annoyance that are long gone. There’s no way he knows who Ben used to be or what he did, so he’s not worried about that either. He can’t help but wonder what he wants.

Eventually, when breakfast is over and the traitor is yet to go to him, Ben approaches him.

He pops right behind FN-1287, making him jump and curse. Ben only stares, vaguely interested. He’d like to be done with this as soon as possible, he has to meet Rey for training. She’s probably already there, as she didn’t show up for the day’s first meal.

“You have been looking at me,” he states blankly. FN-2187 straightens himself and doesn’t deny it.

“Uh, yes.” At Ben’s inquiring gaze, he continues. “I heard that you came from the First Order and so did I…And since we’ve been through the same things, I thought we could, uh, talk about it. If you wanted to.” He explained awkwardly.

Their experience with the First Order couldn’t have been more different, Ben thought. FN-2187 had been at the bottom of the pyramid, while Ben and his knights had operated outside of it. He had worked under no one and he had commanded whom he pleased. Other than Snoke, nobody had the authority to tell him what to do. The other man had worked under Phasma,

Ben had never liked the woman, but he had respected her strength and discipline. An unwilling pang of sympathy went through him for FN-2187. It couldn’t have been easy to be her underling.

FN-2187 probably thought him to be a victim too, forced to belong to the Order’s evil hierarchy.

Despite that, Ben felt there was something else here. Though his words were sincere, this didn’t feel like an attempt to bond over shared trauma.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He said plainly, and unfortunately for the other man, Ben didn’t suffer during uncomfortable silences. Unless he shared them with Rey, or his parents. People he cared about, essentially. He cocked his head to the side. “But that’s not the only reason you are here, isn’t it?”

The traitor took a deep breath.

“You are teaching Rey how to be a Jedi, right?”

Ben’s lips twitched. “Not exactly, I’m teaching her how to use the Force. If she chooses to become a Jedi, that’s up to her.”

He nodded. “Yeah, well…” He scratched his neck. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell her and well, uh, you.”

Ben raised an eyebrow, but didn’t inquire. He cleared his throat.

“I’ve always been able to… _feel_ things. I got through the hardest simulations with a single try. When I helped Rey to get out of Starkiller, I just _knew_ we would be fine. I was nervous but not scared.”

His eyes narrowed. “What are you suggesting?”

“I think I have it. Just like you and Rey, the _Force_.”

Ben has to bite down his tongue to keep anything rude from coming out. _FN-2187 being force-sensitive?_ What a joke. There was no way he would have missed it back on when they lived in close quarters back on Starkiller, not to mention during their fight on its snowy surface.

If he had the Force, why Ben hadn’t seen it? Why _Rey_ hadn’t seen it?

Instead of being snappy, because he liked to be in Rey’s good graces, Ben feigned disbelief.

“You are certain about this?”

“Well no, obviously.” He seemed more at ease now that Ben hadn’t outright laughed at his face. “Isn’t there a way for you to know if I have it?”

“The Jedi of old used to test their blood, so they would know their levels of midi-chlorians.” Ben let him know.

FN-2187 blinked at him. “Midi-chlorians?”

“A way to know how connected are you with the Force. Sadly, that technology was lost with the Jedi after the Empire rose.” FN-2187 looked so disappointed that Ben felt the need to reassure him, inexplicably. “But there are ways. Come with me, I was just about to train with Rey.”

His eyes sparkled. “Thank you,” he palmed his back making Ben stumble. “Oh, I forgot. I’m Finn.” He extended his hand. Ben stared at it for a second, before shaking it.

“I’m Ben Solo.”

He smiled. “Yeah, I know.”

-

Sleep wouldn’t come to her after her encounter with Kylo. She had stayed up late, staring at Ben from her place on the top bunk as he snored softly. She wanted to tell him the truth, about her conversations with Kylo Ren and the odd connection they shared, but feared his reaction.

 _The dark side is the pathway to many abilities that some may consider… unnatural,_ he had told her.

Rey had buried her face on the pillow. Was her connection with Kylo unnatural? It certainly seemed so. She knew little about the Jedi, but she had never heard about any of them sharing this type of…bond with an enemy. She couldn’t even ask about it, for it would be suspicious.

Was Kylo even truly the enemy?

She kept thinking about it, Ben was determinate to save everyone around him but he said nothing about Kylo. Was his intention to let him perish during the attack on Starkiller? He had broken into her head and chased her through Takodana, but if he’d grow to become Ben, there was still hope for him.

She didn’t knew the specifics of how the Resistance won the war, but if they did it once, they’d do it again. She was fully aware that it was a major move to take down Starkiller before it was finished, and she knew exactly what the ‘rescue’ mission would entail.

They’d drag Kylo Ren back home, whether he liked it or not.

She allowed herself to ponder on what would happen then. The war wouldn’t be anywhere near over, even if it did put them on a better position. Would Ben return to his original time? Likely. And what would happen to Kylo then?

Ben hadn’t mentioned anything about punishment. Was there any sort of trial or sentence for him, back on his time? The idea of him, in chains and locked on a cell forever turned her stomach. She wouldn’t even wish that solitude upon Kylo.

She had fallen asleep eventually, though late. She had slept through breakfast and missed it. When she woke up, she barely washed her face and made her way to the landing track that served as a training-place.

Much to her surprise, Ben wasn’t alone when she got there. Finn was with him. Both of them were sitting on the floor, with their legs crossed and their eyes closed.

“Good morning,” she greets them. Their eyes open and they both turn at her.

“Rey!” Finn smiles. “Solo is teaching me how to use the Force.”

“What?” Her own gaze widens and Ben makes an irritated noise.

“FN—Finn believes he might be force-sensitive. Not on the same level as you and me, but enough to matter.”

“Enough to learn some tricks.” He winked, smiling. “Tell her what you told me, about making a lightsaber.”

“About _using_ a lightsaber. We currently have one. But in case we find, by some miracle, kyber-crystals, we could make others.” He let her know.

Her excitement matched Finn’s and a smile spread on her face. “That’s great! Where can we even find that?”

“Well, I know my uncle keeps my mother’s lightsaber—“

“Your _mother_ has a lightsaber?”

Ben stared at her. “Well of course, she has the Force. She trained once to become a Jedi, just like Luke.”

“Why didn’t she become one?”

Ben gestured at himself. “The Jedi doctrine doesn’t look kindly upon attachments, and I guess that she wanted to focus on her career as a politician.”

No one else would have noticed, but Rey saw the way he tried to mask his face with indifference as he said that.

“And that’s part of what you don’t like about it.” She stated.

Ben shrugged. “Attachment leads to fear of losing what you are attached to, fears leads to hate, hate leads to anger and anger leads—“

“To the dark.” Rey whispered.

“Exactly. But not all attachments are bad. _Vader_ came back from the darkness because of his feelings for his son.”

All three of them sat in silence for a while, until Finn decided to speak.

Do you think Kylo Ren is attached to anything?”

Ben froze and Rey coughed.

“I don’t think—“

“Power. He is attached to power, I’d say. That’s the only thing the dark-side has to offer.”

Finn frowned. “I thought attachments were about people.”

“The darkness isolates you. You don’t have anyone there to get attached to.” Rey felt cold washing over her. “It will be tempting and you cannot control it, if you think you can gain anything from it; you are wrong. It’ll take and take until there’s nothing left but your own grief."

“Have _you_ ever been tempted?” Finn inquired.

Rey turned at him. “Finn!” The man blushed.

“I’m sorry, I asked without thinking—“

“Of course I have, and so you will. Time and time again. Even Luke was tempted.”

“But he resisted it.” Finn stated.

“…sure, he did.” Ben cleared his throat. “I’m going to teach you both my least favorite thing: meditation. It’ll help you get focused and you’ll learn to find each other in the battlefield.”

-

“Are you with the First Order for power—? Oh!”

He had just finished lifting weights when she showed up. Her eyes were on his face and Kylo noticed how she was determinate to keep them there. Amusement threatened to pour from him and he had to contain a smile of sorts.

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t you have a cowl or towel?” She asked.

“What were you saying about me and the First Order?”

“I—I asked if you joined them for power.”

“That’s just one reasons. The Supreme Leader is wise, it’s an honor to be trained by him.”

“That’s still power.” She hissed. Someone was on a mood today, Kylo wondered why.

“The Republic doesn’t work, it’s corrupted and unable to serve its citizens. Their rules are supposed to be for all the planets that fall under its jurisdiction, but they aren’t enforced unless the planet is useful or worthy enough. The First Order will change that.”

“By killing everyone who opposes them?”

“As if the Republic never did such things, have you ever learned about the Separatists and the Clone Wars?” He frowned at her. “Besides, since when do you care about politics?”

“Since I decided to join the Resistance.”

He tried his best not to show his disappointment. “The Resistance fights for the Republic, who doesn’t endorse them by the way, which left you to starve alone in Jakku. Why defend them?” He asked.

Her eyes changed the slightest bit. “The First Order didn’t help me either.”

“It could. Name what you want and it shall be given to you.”

Rey opened her mouth and for a second, Kylo saw it on her mind. _Her parents, the ship, the junkyard—_

“You want to know what happened to them, who they were; who _you_ are.” He licked his lips. “I could tell you.”

“You won’t tempt me!” She declared, stepping back.

“Tempt you? _Oh,_ don’t tell me the other-me has been preaching about Jedi values and the tempting darkness with my face.” He mocked. Her expression closed immediately. “Have you found out who is he?”

“I’m not telling you anything.”

“A shame.” Indeed, he still needed to resolve that before the Supreme Leader learned about it. He felt their bond starting to dissolve. “About your parents…I think you already know.”

“Shut up.” She commanded, but it was weak.

“Let go of the past. Kill if you have to. That’s the only way you’ll become what you are meant to be.”

Unshed tears shone in her eyes. “And what is that?”

“That’s not up to me to decide. Once you figure it out, you’re welcome to join me.”

She was gone before he could say anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben Swolo is pretty tempting Rey idk. This the reverse of 'by the grace of your training I will not be seduced'.
> 
> I'm studying for my first college exams so chapters might get a bit sporadic. 
> 
> Also, Force-Sensitive Finn is canon but not done very well so I'll try to fix that too.
> 
> Please tell me your thoughts! :)


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